Thirty-five dollars and a six-pack to my name

iasshole — Sun, 13 May 2012 01:02:55 +0000

So what happened in April is that I had a new baby. Okay, I did not HAVE it. Someone else did. That is complete hyperbole. TSK TSK SHAAAME. But between getting up twice a night and having laserlike focus on the ground level, kind of like having a toddler, I have been TIRED. Also I started a new..wait for it…job. But at this one my status is FTE. Fancy that, I am not a contractor now. Anyway, boring.

Complete and utter gormlessness. That’s not true. Horace is a good boy! WHOOOOO’S A GOOD BOY? AND WHOOOO’S going to be a calendar someday! Monetize the canine! J/K, that’s gross.

I have a lot to tell you, but I imagine it’s best to let it out in dribs and drabs like this is less of a blog and more like some kind of fistula.

xoxo,
Asshole Girl

This is not a euphemism

iasshole — Sun, 18 Mar 2012 18:55:02 +0000

Pictures on Flickr to be appearing intermittently!

This is what it sounds like when dorks cry

iasshole — Mon, 13 Feb 2012 15:05:47 +0000

Man, this month man. It’s trying to get me or something. Nothing bad, just tiring. Anyway, imagine my surprise to see so many emails from people who would like letters! Yay! I have my work cut out for me. Some of you will get stories because I don’t know you cousin Harvey or to ask about your iguana ranch, I’m sorry. You know what, I don’t care about the timing and that I am behind. I’ll write in March too. I don’t care. I’m honey badgering this internet. I love writing letters. I had a love affair once that involved weekly letters for months.

Last night I dreamt that in the ALA magazine there was a blind item about me and I was delighted because it was 80% accurate and 100% whorey. I really think they should hire a gossip columnist for the ALA magazine.

Back to my natural color. Just in time for VD Day.

Hello Monday hello you can get fucked.

Dear Morgan

iasshole — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 03:48:14 +0000

Dear @hovy

iasshole — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 03:29:37 +0000

Dear Tom

iasshole — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 20:43:13 +0000

Dear Ananka

iasshole — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 15:16:06 +0000

Well, my blog, you are thumbnailing YOURSELF. How clever you are. Click for bigger. Uhhh I need some stationary.

Dear Pantainorasingh

iasshole — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 04:31:54 +0000

Shit I have got to get this thumbnail shit fixed. I kind of hate this site right now. Why can I not just write on a big board and you can come look at it.

Revenge is a Dish Best Served Uncaffeinated

iasshole — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 18:10:34 +0000

P: have a confession to make
me: Ok?
P: i just watched three people in front of me either run out the coffee pot and walk off or try the coffee pots and realize they were empty and walk off
me: Are you in the kitchen?
P: so i just filled every single one of the mother fuckers up with decaf
me: HA HA

“I was in the pool! I WAS IN THE POOL!”

iasshole — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 00:49:59 +0000

So 2011 was kind of…you know.

Deaths. Lawsuits. A lot of vomiting. So not too unusual, I guess.

Anyway, I am glad to see the back of it.

Sometimes you need a little ceremony to burn off the old.

(P. with my old boss, who is now his coworker.)

I was okay just watching. Happy New Year, and good luck.