LAST NIGHT I DREAMT (zzz, I hear you saying)… NO REALLY. I dreamt I got zapped into the body of a 15-year-old hardcore Christian girl. Well, she was until I was zapped into her. I think I decided to pass and see what life was like there. I missed swearing and I did not like my pastel capris or the house we lived in, which was a tiny farmhouse that had all these add on rooms that had been slapped up as there had been money and need. I had a sister and she was nice and did not spit at old people admiring her cuteness like a hobo like my real sister did when she was 6.
I think what really clinched my desire to pass was that I found this shirt that I used to wear every day ten years ago that said “The Joy of Sax” on it that was from this saxophone bar and grill in Singapore. I wore that thing until it was THREADBARE. And there it was! brand new, black, stiff even. I put it on. I was IN TROUBLE. Maybe this wasn’t such a good deal after all.
OR: Was it a hardcore Christian girl dreaming she was you?
She’ll never be the same.
She will be sad when she wakes up! I mean, I would miss my boobs.
I saw this tweet and was like, damn, SJ what did you smoke?
ONLY BANANA PEELS.
OR POTPOURRI?
My mom asked me, “why would kids smoke potpourri?” I said, “Mom, kids will smoke ANYTHING. Oregano, lemon grass tea, their dad’s pipe tobacco. Just to name a few that I tried.