Mistake Number One: Went to Target. I was so happy before they put that Target in, I just didn’t realize it. I saw it being built at Northgate, a mere ten-minute drive from La Casa Del Asshole, and my heart filled with joy.
“Now my life will be complete,” said I. Happy consumerism for as far as the eye can see. Cheap stuff, with brushed aluminum and candy stripes. Mmm.
So now I pop in all the time, to visit. And here is my leather coat that I will buy, and here are the lovely slides with kitten heels that I bought but had to return because they were getting messed up after one day and you should have seen the jive the salesgirl was giving me. I tap the sweet heels with my wand and sigh.
BUT I DIGRESS.
Mistake Number Two: After going to Target, drifted over to the sales rack. The only thing I love more than Pez, sex toys with sparkles in them, kitten heels, stupid boys, and Trogdor the Burninator is a Sales Rack.
I found this sweet black linen skirt that swooped in at the bottom and had a ruffle and made me look all Amelie, you know, if Amelie weighed more than my cat. And only fourteen bucks! I had to snap it up.
I put it on this morning. “Spring has sprung, bi-otch,” I said to all my Western wear, which I am so tired of by this point. I am always ready to burn my winter wardrobe shackles by May.
I got in front of the mirror and made the mistake of turning around. HOLY J-LO ON A TROLLEY! Stupid Cadbury Eggs! I’d wear it today, but I don’t want the ugly future librarians calling me Bootious Maximus behind my junked-out trunk back.
I decided I will save it for another day, as it wouldn’t be fair to inflict my ass on the .3% of my classmates who are actually straight male future librarians. I am a shining pillar of compassion for all to behold.
My sister and I just went into convulsions reading this… YOU RULE.
does Tarjay sell sex toys with sparkles?
Re Tarjay: I WISH! Nope, gotta head downtown for that item.
Toys in Babeland: http://www.babeland.com/catalog/index.html
i think i am genetically incapable of leaving target with less than 100 bucks removed from my wallet.
sparkles? really? how, uh, festive.
oh i bet you actually look bloody awesome in it ;) so THERE! and nice title you have up there at the moment. heeh :)
It’s sooo cool to see a Home Star Runner fan! I knew there was a reason I read this page fanatically.
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