I am thinking about two things today. One: still thinking about Miss USA and people bocking over the fact that she participated in a pole dancing competition before she was crowned, which violates the morality agreement that is part of the rules participants have to agree to.
I started thinking about why this morality clause even exists in the first place. Are these young women really role models? Is there anyone outside of the pageant world who points to the contestants and says to their children, “Honey, this is your future?” Rah tah to women (and men) trading in large part on their looks to win fabulous cash prizes and scholarships, but does it really matter if the “Miss” in question has ever given birth or has acted as a parent (see rule 2)? Is there are rule against men becoming fathers in these contests? I could not find a morality clause for men.
This leads me to conclude, because I like making crazypants leaps like Caitlin Flanagan, that even beyond the surface “Hey here are some bitches in a bikini” these pageants are about some antiquated idea of sexual desirability. I think if they could get away with it, they would ensure the face of Jesus appears on every contestant’s intact hymen. Who cares if you’ve even been pregnant? The last time I checked abortion was legal, and also none of anyone else’s business. What if you are a mother? SO WHAT?
I spent most of my twenties married, in some kind of self-imposed sequestered state, during which I balked at even wearing a skirt that fell above the knee, but I think if my life would have gone differently or I was ten years younger, I would probably have some kind of interesting mini-scandal up my sleeve from my twenties or late teens. Our culture is pretty freaking sexualized/pornified to the point where I almost think it would be difficult to avoid. And why should people avoid it, if they are going to live public life where they are trading on their looks or sexuality? I’d say the Miss America/USA pageants are kind of the exception.
Here’s the answer: bimbo cloisters. Does your preschooler have promising bone structure? Lock her up now, before she puts her Miss Body Shots 2027 pics on whatever passes for Facebook in the future times.
Thing the second is that I really enjoyed a look at the dementia prediction issue on Radiolab called “Vanishing Words.” It’s about Agatha Cristie’s language decay in her final books and about the study they did on the nuns to see who lost their marbles later. Wouldn’t you love to know if batshit or confusion is in your future? I wish there was some kind of device that could measure your last good day, before you hurt the people who love you by forgetting who they are, or before you get lost, or cannot remember what happened for a few decades in there. That is when I would like to die–in my sleep on that last perfect day when you are all there. I find this program heartening because it says that people who write like overeager beavery maniacs and less in a journalistic, carefully plotted fashion have a better chance of being non-nuts. Or maybe it means that you’re nuts now, ha ha! Well. Run on sentences full of mixed metaphors for the win.
Off to a dinner party tonight to discuss Omnivore’s Dilemma. More like OmniBORE amirite. Seriously, I would rather get a pap smear because at least that will be over in ten minutes. I’m going to get drunk and keep my fucking mouth shut. Will update.
Wouldn’t you love to know if batshit or confusion is in your future? I wish there was some kind of device that could measure your last good day, before you hurt the people who love you by forgetting who they are, or before you get lost, or cannot remember what happened for a few decades in there. That is when I would like to die–in my sleep on that last perfect day when you are all there.
I spend an absolutely stupid amount of time pondering exactly this. Though I suspect doing so worsens my situation. Sigh.
I have never understood Miss USA/Miss /Miss FuckingTrendyThingOfTheWeek contests. It only reinforces certain negative stereotypes of fashion and beauty and now they’ve become the morality police or some shit.
I am also horrified by the child contests and the mind-warping that goes on there. “Hello, I would like to give my child issues for decades to come.”
You’ve seen the 8 year olds dancing to “Single Ladies”, right? I feel less conflicted about beauty pageants for adult women, but it’s the same feeling, a gut wrongness to the commodification of sex as represented by the female body. That said, as you say it is so much a part of the culture that if I were pretty and there was a scholarship dangling at the end I would shiv anybody that stood at the sidelines talking about my thinly veiled prostitution. I would also stab people who wanted to talk about my moral character
Granddad pole dancing:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ltL6xetTqHQ
Just starting on Radiolab so I can’t join that conversation, though I hope to die before my memory goes. Skipped Omnivore’s Dilemma because like you I am not the target audience. I’m about up to here with the “whoa, so food is not just something that starts on the table and ends in your mouth” revelations. If I were at the dinner party we could scootch ourselves over to the corner with a bottle of delicious and make fun of books like that and toast to the fact that at least we didn’t have to read “Eat, Pray, Love.”
I don’t think I would want to know if dementia or alzheimers might be in my future. I would so much time worrying about it, analyzing my memory and speech patterns, and generally obsessing that it would ruin my current life. I’d rather just enjoy life right now, take care of my body as best as I can, and just let the future happen.
Before my dad retired one of his collegues/bosses was an ex-stripper. Apparently this automatically makes her a horrible person with low morals and not a proper role model for children (she was a school teacher). I do not understand that sort of attitude.
OH, oh, oh! TLC has you COVERED. They have this show called Toddlers & Tiaras. T&T = Bimbo Cloisters!
LORDY they are on to me!
Now I’m wondering if beauty queen types take this pageant behavior all the way to the retirement/confusion home? Except the categories are now: What part of my body do I put the bra on? Is my zipper up? Do I even like yogurt?
Hmmm. A few years ago, 17, 18-ish, I always got stuff in the mail advertising for girls of a certain age to participate in local beauty contests for prize money, grants, scholarships, ect. I remember one of them said I had to “demonstrate virginity”. WTF? So if I have sex with you and it hurts, is that proof enough, Creepy Old Guy? I also couldn’t be a parent… which seems to go hand in hand with the “be a virgin” clause. I could be wrong.
At any rate, I happen to think that you’re a better role model if you ARE a parent! I would love to see those bimbos from Ms Bikini Contest USA live my life for a week- single mom, two kids, full time work, and nursing school! If she could balance it all, keep up my grades, and maintain some sanity afterward, she gets crowned NBD.
Morals? pfft. I’ll teach my kids to keep their legs closed to keep from getting scabby dude’s STIs. And that non-latex condoms are their friends!
…my shoes cost more than you make in 2 weeks!
Longtime reader, first time commenter- couldn’t resist. One of those songs you think only *you* know. :)
I think I’ll go have me some Chinese food!