“I think we could do an entire blog post on what the hell Kelis is talking about, but my guess is that the milkshake is more an abstract than necessarily only top or bottom. That’s what makes it so filthy and yet so cool. I think her milkshake is the whole package, including psychological characteristics.”

–Daniel Talsky, Tinyblog

“Milkshake,” lyrics by Kelis. I recommend you find a place to listen to it as well, so you can really hear all the heavy-breathing pop culture subtext that oozes out of it. Unless you are like me, and know it so well that you stomp all over town singing, “LALA-LA-LA-LA, warm it up,” and shaking your can while praying that no one is peeping out of their window at the bus stop you are stuck at, because the damn 5 didn’t come again.

Analysis:

“My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard
And they’re like, it’s better than yours
Damn right it’s better than yours
I could teach you but I have to charge”

I think we can all agree this song is about sex. After that, it gets trickier. There’s a lot of interesting societal stuff going on here. When Kelis sings,”Damn right it’s better than yours/I could teach you but I have to charge” I think she is getting at the mojo that many women have, and the competitiveness that exists between many women. This all boils down to the caveman-level activity of competing for the best mate. All those juggies(yes, I said juggies) I see walking around on campus…they are incapable of recognizing or acknowledging that on a biological level their bodies just want them to be knocked up and eat meat and scratch their pelts and stuff. Kelis brings the whole biological-imperative thing into sharp focus in very few lines. The woman should consider writing haiku.

Next up:

“Oh, once you get involved
Everyone will look this way, so
You must maintain your charm
same time maintain your halo
Just get the perfect blend
Plus what you have within
Then next his eyes will squint
Then he’s picked up your scent”

Further into “Milkshake” Kelis also masterfully exposes the virgin/whore complex that exists in our society, which I understand to be the idea that if you enjoy sex, you are a slut. Kelis refers to the virgin/whore dichotomy as one’s “charm/halo.” (“You must maintain your charm/same time maintain your halo.”)

I digress: I wish somebody would serve me a Virgin Whore.

She also discusses the tricky place that many women feel stuck in, within the arena of public view: “Oh, once you get involved/Everyone will look this way,” conceding that you must try to get a man’s attention in a “respectable” or subtle manner, so as not to attract unwanted attention from the competing women in the vicinity.

“Then next his eyes will squint/then he’s picked up your scent.” Okay, this could be all metaphorical, but, come on, it’s just dirty.

More bad pop song fuckjob closet “academic” analysis here. And, yes, yes, I should be working on school stuff, thank you.

In Other News

Things are about to get more awful and more stressful. I am in court tomorrow. I may not be writing much in the next few days. Or I may write obsessively. Althea Shebrepa is going to have to wait til I can think straight. I have all your dreams still.

However, I scheduled that YA librarian interview for next week. The drag is that it’s a two-day process if I get a call back. 4-5 person panel with guests from other libraries on the first day, and then meeting the director on the second day. Quick, tell me everything you know about interviewing for a public library job! I’ll be off figuring it out myself.