Can I say that sometimes I am jealous of people who are my age and are just now having babies

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Psych though, because I am really into sleeping eight hours. I am all OCK OCK teenage problems and then I am all…sleeping eight hours. I dunno. The answer is probably: cigars on ice. Okay, I know I am supposed to be quoting D’Angelo now, but I am still not over Bey.

Chalkboard Christmas Steve welcomes you the fuck into Xmas.

Okay what happened this year? Nothing, which I think is very exciting. We did Capitalism on Christmas Steve, since Franny was set to leave on xmas eve.

I wanted to give her a little time to enjoy her big present. Naturally, she took the guitar away with her to her dad’s house. I threatened her gently and said YOU MUST BRING IT BACK. I can just see her father’s children sitting on it or something. So can she, actually. She triple assured me she would bring it back. As a side bar, it’s interesting to me that she’s trying to talk her dad into getting off the wheat. He’s having all kinds of problems that are just like hers were (and mine). He’s not biting. He was always a super big fan of not believing anything because BLEAH. Why believe anything anyone tells you? Fuck that noise.

So. Strudel was ready for her first earrings and Franny really wanted her nose pierced, so as part of their xmas presents I took them back to the place where I took Franny when she was eight and wanted her ears pierced. I don’t think I got a good picture of her–just a crap one on my phone. She said she wanted it on her right nostril, like her Auntie Morgan.

They did really well. Strudel wanted to hold my hand but of course Franny did not.

“A present!” Franny said. That is not a present, that is a Dr. Hoho.

I asked Strudel something later that day and she said “WHAT MOM I’M LISTENING TO DRAKE.” Please don’t make me regret my earphones decision. It did get her to clean with us very pleasantly today. “WOW I LISTENED TO MUSIC THE WHOLE TIME.” Okay, please turn it down before you start talking…

Stocking happiness. I had to go the the Special Store (read: expensive) and get corn, dairy, and gluten-free candy for stockings. If you are very bored I defy you to read labels in a store and try to find something processed that does not contain any of those things. I sent Franny away with mad vitamins and a command to actually take them. Our lives are vitamins right now. It’s working.

Look who has a mild case of the ocds.

She’s always like this. I make her insane because I am chaotic neutral and leave stuff lying around differently depending on how profitable it is.

Edith spent the whole time doing this every time I took the camera out.

“FOOD IS THERE FOOD???” No.

Okay, so there’s no graceful way to slip this in here. Strudel spends A LOT of time holding Dorty upside down. I always like it, because Edith likes the attention and it doesn’t seem to be interfering with anything. But at the same time, I feel like she’s an old thymey model being mesmerized by Strudel.

FURTHERMORE MY LOANS ARE PAID OFF. Ten years later. I reckon that’s about right. And now, I am ready for new debt.

So tonight I decided to make Thai food: phad see ew, tom yum, spring rolls, and a red curry with duck. I got it all from my guru at High Heel Gourmet. As a bonus I made a hot sauce with bird’s eye peppers and peanut sauce. WOO GLUTEN FREE.

Also I had a captive audience to test salad dressings on. I pulled five samples out and a bunch of veggies as appetizers. Lucky for me, my guests were hungry and like to give opinions. I’m plinking away at developing a first salad dressing that tastes awesome and is relatively hypoallergenic. Lucky me I am a closely related to two supertasters.

I also made real appetizers: spring rolls.

It’s like an ad for Natural Calm, really.

The recipe called for cooking the mung bean sprouts a little, which was cool, because it made them kind of like noodles.

This is the bouquet garni for the tom yum. Galangal, kafir leaves, and lemongrass.

When I was desperately making Thai food at my house in college almost twenty years ago, I thought that I could sub limes for kafir limes, because HEY they are both limes right? The smell that filled my house today….holy shit. Intoxicating. So that was Christmas.

A forgotten cheepie thrift store coat has been found in a closet:

Lots of phad see ew lately. “ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED??”

I finished working Monday thank FUCK. I would like to have another job lined up, of course, but I am loose and flapping for now. I will be tinkering with recipes and probably writing, because that’s how I roll.

Happy Xmas!!

6 thoughts on “Can I say that sometimes I am jealous of people who are my age and are just now having babies”

  1. My #2 business idea for you is to turn Christmas Steve into a one of those children’s books that is really for adults and sells in the Humor section. That’s a gold mine. I’ve always pictured him just like that drawing!

    I have a good friend who has the whole litany of symptoms that may stem from a wheat allergy: Sjögren syndrome, rheumatoid arthritis, skin irritations – and to a serious degree, like losing teeth because of the Sjögren syndrome. She and her doctor have been treating all the symptoms separately. At one point they were going to test for lupus. All year I have been asking her to look into food/wheat allergies and she is now coming around and going to bring it up with her doctor. She claims she doesn’t eat much wheat, but she is the condiment queen.

    Edith can levitate through the power of Strudel?!

    Congratulations on the student loan payoff!

    I’d love to hear about the small food business class. And all the recipe and taste testing, but I don’t want you to give away any trade secrets.

  2. I’ve been screwing around with dressings today, actually. I have a stomachache now from drinking it, whoops. At least I am not allergic to anything in it, har har. The class is the 10th and I will report back. If all goes well I am hoping to test four Paleo/whole30, lower-allergenic dressings at a farmer’s market this coming summer.

    And I would like Xmas Steve to appear in print. I am hoping I will have more time for my ridiculous hobbies if I am not at a desk job. We’ll see.

    Sjögren’s is something I read about extensively when I was trying to troubleshoot myself. It’s sad and fascinating to see anecdotally how many people online who all have conditions related to inflammation/autoimmune stuff that can be improved with diet. I think a lot of people think they don’t eat much wheat, but yes, it is in everything.

    I don’t want to swim too far out of my depth, since I have no scientific or nutritionist training, but sometimes I wish an elimination diet was step one with autoimmune/inflammation problems. People say “Paleo is so expensive,” and it is compared to eating a lot of processed foods, but it’s paying off dividends for me in terms of energy, health, and focus gained. I could not even dream of starting a small business next year without these changes. I was started to doubt my dream of opening an inn would ever come to pass since I was always so sick, tired, and scattered. Not to mention that I don’t yet need to get into the prescription drug merry-go-round. I do understand that Sjögren’s and lupus is very serious, but worth a try, because I have read at least that diet can at least improve quality of life. I’m sorry to hear your friend is struggling with it.

  3. FURTHERMORE (sigh, I cannot stop once I start on this topic) it’s funny how easy everything is now. My life still feels like it’s on the advanced mode at this point in terms of adult responsibilities, but a lot of things are better. For years doctors told me to lose weight anytime I came in about anything, but it was super hard to keep with it when it hurt to move, I was exhausted, and it didn’t seem to want to budge. Now moving feels natural and fun, like when I was MUCH younger, so there is joy in it and the weight is kind of shifting on its own. Part of that is very, very few processed foods, but part of it is proper nutrition which keeps me from being ravenous constantly. I would be STARVING and then would feel ill after I ate. Such a challenging cycle. Now I walk away from the table and feel satisfied for hours. I wake up and feel refreshed. I hope your friend can approach that someday!

  4. Thank you so much for this response. I am going to mention the elimination diet and Whole30 to her as jumping off points.

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