Oh, man, I feel like I’m going to cry right now. I just got an email from Seattle Federline. He’s trying to hold me up for some money for Franny’s school next year, and he was blathering about a kindergarten open house at her new school for next year. I was like “Dumbass SAY WHAT?” because I know the first grade program doesn’t cost any money…and KINDERGARTEN open house?
I just called the school and told them situation and asked them about getting information sent out for first grader-parents, and they said they were not sending information out about first graders yet. And then I felt that familiar prickle up my scalp…that “what stupid, stupid thing has he done now?” prickle. I started getting it about six months after we were married and I get it a lot less now, thank god.
“Can you check and see what grade my daughter’s registered for?” I said.
“Yes…okay, it looks like she’s registered for kindergarten,” the secretary replied.
Fortunately for me, I was able to talk with the principal, who shared my concern. I explained to her that Franny had been at an AMI-accredited program for three years, and was reading and doing math now. The principal said that in a situation like that, if a child’s been in kindergarten for at least six months, she should go on to first grade, even if she is a little young. They make exceptions for the her school kids, because the school’s structured differently. Franny has been doing a full nine-to-three school day since she was three-and-a-half.
I searched my email to make sure I haven’t gone totally crazy. Seattle Federline and I had this conversation in January:
Me: I am concerned about sending her to PS kindergarten after three years at her school. For the last year and a half at least she’s been doing the equivalent of kindergarten. She’s going to be six next fall–what do you think about trying to get her admitted to first grade? She’d be going on to the equivalent at her school. She complains to me about
school now–I’m concerned she’d get bored.
SeaFed: As far as public goes, I’m all for testing her into first grade, or even AP as well.
So for some reason, he plunged ahead, signing her up for kindergarten anyway. He knows Franny is doing basic reading and math and will turn six shortly after school starts…I just…don’t…understand. I hope there’s room left in the first grade program for her now.
I’m just so sad. We found a good PS program for her, applied, and she got in, and he fucked up…again. I couldn’t stop him from signing her up, because he volunteered and ran with it, and I thought we were on the same page with the first-grade thing.
And now I’m angry with myself, for trusting him with something so important. This isn’t a little thing, like the ill-fitting clothes or the non-functional dress or platform shoes he sends her to my house in–this is a whole school year of her being bored out of her gourd. I got switched off on school in the first grade–I don’t want that for her, too.
I am making a vow to check and double-check everything he does for her. It’s only May…I hope I can fix this. My divorce lawyer was not the most helpful guy, but I loved what he said to me once, about leaving aspects of the divorce process up to SeaFed: “Any job worth doing is worth doing yourself.” I need to get that tattooed on my punchin’ arm.
yesssss, we hates it…. HATES IT!!
Oh dear. What did the principal suggest you do? (I am assuming maiming SeaFed wasn’t bruited about.)
Just remember that you’re not supposed to use your punching arm on yourself. If the principal agrees with you, then it sounds like you will be able to transfer Franny’s registration to first grade –right?
The guy’s an idiot. That’s not your fault. You share parenting with him and sometimes it seems like there are responsibilities of parenting that you would like to be able to share with him. That desire is normal. The fact that you can’t do it is not your fault either. He contributed genes to make a fantastic kid, so you have to cut him that much slack. Other than that, yeah, I don’t know. Maybe if you try to think of him as a babysitter who you can’t really delegate much to?
He is a grand master of assaholic stupidity this guy and he’s likely trying to sabotage your daughter’s intelligence. The clothes, the shoes, the trash TV, the kindergarten registration all points to someone who doesn’t want his daughter to grow up as smart or sharp as the mom who dumped his sorry ass. Making her pretty pink n’ stupid is his way of hurting you, and society is only too happy to help.
This is upsetting, but not entirely surprising. I
That sucks! Frannie’s so lucky she has you looking out for her best interest and to counteract Sea-Fed’s cluelessness. Another plus: the principal now knows the score as far as which parent’s really thinking about Frannie’s education. She can be a useful ally in the future.
I love reading about your adventures, you’re a good writer. I am soo familiar with that “familiar prickle up your scalp”. What I know from experience is that you can’t make the mistake of thinking that your EX has changed at all from the irresponsible, miserable person he was. While you have moved on and have picked up some wisdom and perspective from the relationship, he’s still the same guy that will always disappoint you. Let him think you are letting him share in some responsibility and then check up on him. The goal is to get you and Franny thru this(and future screw-ups) with a minimum of stress and fighting. Good luck getting the school thing back on track. Having a mom that does everything she can for her own best interests makes Franny already a step ahead of many of her peers.
What worries me is that in the Seattle Public Schools principals have some power in assigning spaces in school, but it’s usually done by the enrollment center. The principal agreeing with your assessment is nice, but the question is, is there space in 1st grade at the school you’ve chosen, and is there a waiting list? Even if the principal agrees with you, if she doesn’t have a spot, she doesn’t have a spot. That is a very different problem, particularly since it was Frannie’s father who screwed up (or not; has he decided how he’s playing this?) not the SPS.
That boy could fuck up a free lunch.. I tells ya.
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