All I Want For Capitalistmas Is Some Cheap Plastic Crap

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Evening Picnic

Companion: You’ll change your tune when I put that rottweiler *points to rottweiler across the park* in your butt.
Franny: No, you won’t.
Companion: How do you know?
Franny: That rottwilder would not EVEN fit in my butt.
Me: This is why I drink.

While Watching Aquamarine

Franny: Mom, I’m sorry, but I have to tell you something.
Me: I’m writing, kiddo.
Franny: I know, but it’s important.
I turned to face her.
Franny: I just farted and it smelled like one of yours.
Me: Why, god, why?

Theology Rap with Frannie

Franny and I were talking about war and people’s beliefs when Creationism came up.

“Some people think that God created the world,” I said.

“Yeah, like God, and Jesus, and Santa,” Franny said.

“What? Santa?”

“Yeah, Mom, don’t you remember the Narnia book? Santa was there at the beginning of the world giving people presents.”

And, behold, another new religion is born: Kringlism? Santaria? Ah, let’s just call it Capitalistmas. This kid can crank them out faster than L. Ron.

27 thoughts on “All I Want For Capitalistmas Is Some Cheap Plastic Crap”

  2. okay, that one just told the whole office that i was doing anything but work. my work doesn’t make me laugh out loud.

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