Reporting to you live, from the downtown courthouse, is someone who shouldn’t be here. Hur. That’s what they all say, right? My head almost exploded when I saw the introductory video. It was like being trapped in cataloguing class all over again.
I found a terminal with a network cable slightly loosened, so everyone else thought it was borken. Ha ha!
Anyway, I have totally screwed the pooch. I thought I could just declare that there were lobsters coming out of my ears or something, but NAY. I wait. My child rots in daycare. I face the ire of Companion, who has to pick her up. I think I’ve pissed everyone off again who has the day free, so there is no one else to pick up my child. I am Queen of Poor Planning.
Well, I have MP3 player, and the most funny novel I’ve read in a long time, An Evening of Long Goodbyes, and the new Nuevo Yorker.
They say the pool is small this week, so I may be screwed til Thursday.
Contingency Plan:
1. Quote Nietzsche (Cat or Dead Philosopher): “There are no facts, only interpretations” or “MROW” depending on mood.
2. Wearing Israeli Defense Forces shirt and “Die Yuppie Scum” button
3. Flipped septum piercing down
4. Will give profession as “Porn Writer.”
5. Know things about Jury Veto.
I know, I know, I am a bad citizen. I just don’t believe in this shit. Whatever, send me someplace like France so I can eat well.
So you should probably look at this naked Japanese man wearing a horse head and eating poisonous mushrooms. Dengue Fever will help me survive. Listen to Tiger Phone Card or I will send you to a home for unwed mothers. There WILL be a quiz.
So, I miss you and that cute little hat you wear that looks like pastry gone wrong. I’ll be home soon; open a can of beans for me.
P.S. Did you get rickrolled yesterday?
UPDATE! 2:18 p.m.
1. Added a comma for V’s Herbie.
2. CALLED. It’s showtime. JAYSUS will show me which way the sword swings.
I’ve had jury duty three, no four, times all before the age of 35. I must the most perfect, unbiased blank slate juror or something.
Hang in there. It only lasts a week, at the most.
I’ll be out by oneeeee, I say, as I chew at my shackles. I can tell who’s guilty BY LOOKING
I bet Jesus can tell you who’s guilty. He’ll probably whisper it in your ear… Just, y’know, sayin’..
“Fucking a jury”? Hmm well I guess that could be varying amounts of fun depending on the people involved. But with the jury pools I’ve seen, yeah that would some severe civic duty there.
Ewww, you got duty!
Er.. good luck.. though this could be some damn good blog fodder.. as long as you don’t get sequestered. Funk dat, tell them that your adoring public can’t live without your witticism and pornographic macram
OOOH! TELL US WHAT WORKS.
Seriously, good luck. Nietzsche. That’s brilliant, girl.
I’m scared. I have jury duty two weeks before classes start. There has to be a way out. Che t-shirt is all I’ve got. I could not wash my hair? What else?
I’m OK with jury duty but it’s not like I can get someone else to do my job.
I say quote the cat. Totally. Bet you dollars to donuts that works like a charm, and you’re home by 3pm.
Oh Jury Duty, the Bane of my life! At least I got paid to be there…but still. Quote the cat. That’ll get you out of the pool quick.
Mothercrap yes I got Rickrolled. Only thing I can do is pass the love along.