Today I picked the girls up early because Franny had to go to the dentist. A mom in the entryway pounced on me instantly once she figured out I was Franny’s mom.
“Oooh, this is the famous Franny! Madison loooooves Franny!” New kids always loooove Franny because she’s all nice and welcoming and diplomatic and crap. SIGH. Where did I go wrong?
Madison’s mother immediately tried to set up a playdate. Franny had told me a couple of weeks ago that Madison was “kind of weird” so I wasn’t ready to immediately commit her to an afternoon of hell. I had a feeling like an invisible hand was creeping up and gaining a tight grip around my throat. This year I try to avoid other parents whom I am not already friends with at all costs.
“ALSO,” the mother went on, loudly, as the other afternoon kids attempted to nap nearby, “I work up north, and I am trying to find someone to take my kids if there’s some kind of an emergency. What if there’s an earthquake or something? I don’t even know what the school would do.”
This was all starting to sound like a personal problem, and I tried to back away. Strudel was moving so slowly that I was sure that small lizards in equatorial regions were losing vestigial toes in the time it was taking her to get her backpack and shoes.
“STRUDEL!” I stage whispered. “Focus, child.” She smiled at my eye daggers.
I assured Madison’s mom that I was desperately looking for nine-to-five work at the moment and could be employed at ANY MINUTE, and that we would consider a weekend playdate on the odd weekend that Franny wasn’t with her grandparents or her father, and we didn’t have anything important to do like shampoo our wombat.
“Ohhh, that’s too bad,” she said. “We like to have playdates after school.”
This is it. I have hit the wall. I never want to hear the word “playdate” ever again. I want my children to play, but if one more stranger comes up to me wishing to engage in negotiations about my child’s busy and important social life, I am going to start flinging my own poo. I can’t take it any more.
A friend of mine who has been trapped in this school longer than me absolutely assured me that this change would come over me, as it has come over the older parents. I see the new parents, excited and enthusiastic, thinking that the school will be part of their social circle. I see the old parents, tired, grumpy, and burned out. Not speaking to each other. The word “playdate” is never uttered.
I have become the Wisteria Lane outcast here, which I’m okay with. I don’t see anyone and they don’t see me. I drop off and pick up my children at odd times. I put on my headphones after drop off and literally run away from the school. There’s no standing around chit-chatting with the working parents; they have someplace to be, and things to do.
I think about Strudel’s old class, with the three-hour day, and about how the mommies in that class would hiss that Strudel’s new class, for working parents, was glorified day care. Day care or not, it’s saner, rather than some kind of toxic bog. I wanted to cry last year when I was in the office working on the auction and Strudel’s teacher heaved a devistating sigh before returning to Strudel’s class with the words “Well, back to the pit.” I see Strudel’s new, young teachers enthusiastically greet her every morning and say how nice it is to see her smiling face and I feel better. Sometimes cutting yourself off from that mess is just the thing.
I had to laugh at “flinging my own poo”…
I completely understand. My kids are 12 and 15 and playdate is thankfully out of my repertoire. I was never much of a playdate kinda gal. And of course, you can’t tell people that without them looking at you as if you’re now dripping toxic waste.
Running is your best option…
I wouldn’t just fling your own poo, fling the poo of everyone around you. Any available poo is fine.
Playdate is a weird weird concept, and a weird word. Why would you even arrange your kids to play together? Also, if you’re obviously trying to escape early, why the hell is she trying to make friends?
Also: I iz a lurker from MATY, just so you know. But I’ve been reading your blog for ages (ages being about 2 months). Plz come back to MATY because you are that awesome.
/end creepy stalkerishness.
I love this. I have never been one for the playdate nonsense, and now I am vindicated. Vindicated!
I think I hit my breaking point after being so underused and abused at the school last year.
Hi, angelofdarkness. Welcome!
Hey, whatever happened to The Companion? We don’t hear about him anymoar!
I am so happy you are back to more regular writing. Thank you!
Ha ha ha. This was so funny and boy do I get it. Brings me back.
I am just a new writer to blogs, I started one in February this year to try to wrap my head around my cancer. I have stage 4 inflammatory breast cancer and there is no stage after this.
http://circlingmyhead.blogspot.com
I have been reading your blog for awhile and I want you to know that you make me laugh all the time. It is something I come to for laugh therapy.
Thank you so much.
Renee Khan
Wow, thanks, Renee. All I want is to make people laugh. Take care.
Sorry if I sound glib at all. I just am kind of speechless. Thanks, that means a lot!
I feel you on the whole “the pit” comment. God, why can’t the people that educate our kids be blown away by the awesomeness of them? Or at least pretend to be.
Or move on if they’re burned out.
The real question is do you really want to get sucked into that whole parental-circle scene. Once you start that playdate shit it spirals out of control and infests your whole life. Whatever happened to kids just being, I dunno, free-range? Why do parents feel they must condemn their kids to the same social/work structure adults have? They’ll get that soon enough once they hit middle school.
When I was a kid, we played with neighborhood kids after school who didn’t attend the school we attended.
I really hate the whole structured life kids have. They’re not kids anymore. Why can’t they just PLAY? Noooo we have to have dance, and sports, and hy-colonics and other such bullcrap that just stresses kids out moar.
They have enough structure at school. Let them ALONE afterwards. ;p
Where did the whole Playdate thing come from anyway? When I was little I didn’t live in a neighborhood, so even as young as five, I exchanged phone numbers with the other little kids at my preschool and we called each other to arrange play time. So one would call the other and then that one would be all “HEY DAD! CAN SO AND SO COME OVER ON SATURDAY?!” The most the parents would have to chat would be at the doorway when they dropped off a kid and then went about their business until it was time to pick up. And my parents were protective- so…what is this playdate crap? Are kids not trusted to arrange playing with those they WANT to play with? We would have been MORTIFIED had a parent talked to another parent and ARRANGED undiscussed playtime without our consent.
It’s weird. Glad I’m not the only one that thinks so. I’m glad you got into the saner school group too. Better to leave unhealthy environments to fester without you.
And…. these are just a few more things to look forward to when I spawn in 6 months. :)
I hate, hate, hate the term “playdate” with the heat of a thousand suns, and STILL have found myself using it because it’s shorter than “having soandso over to play.” And because I am a sheep. And because my KID uses it, dancing up to me with “Erma & I are having a playdate! Today!” and I’m all “No because a) I’m dragging you off somewhere, and b) you mean Erma is COMING OVER TO PLAY.”
Glad you’re out of the toxic bog.