I am here, depsite evidence to the contrary. My internet access is up at my new apartment on Wednesday, thank you Giant Head of Rush Limbaugh.
I am in good spirits, even though my ex-husband has been stalking me. Honestly, who does early morning drive-bys to see if there’s a strange car in my spot and then admits it? Him, I guess. He is also threatening to get his vasectomy reversed so we can have more children. Because, you know, nothing saves a marriage like MORE CHILDREN.
Moving on:
I love living next door to a retirement community. It is so quiet, and they never look out their windows, so they are all missing the late-nite, I-must-have-Special-K-right-now Boob Show. Because one should only eat Special K topless.
I can’t believe that school is starting tomorrow. Oy!
Welcome back!
Hope we can get together soon.
Doesn’t he realize that in order to have more children the two of you would need to be having sex? As far as I know, it’s pretty hard to add kids to a split up marriage, vasectomy or no, if the two of you aren’t doin’ the deed.
Sorry you’re being stalked. That’s never any fun!
Enjoy your first day back to school!!!
Love love
cereal? topless? horrors! only ice cream is to be eaten topless. for obvious reasons.
he sounds fairly desperate. and totally nuts. get a baseball bat.
Does he read your webpage too?
(hello!)
The Special K Boob Show! that was my favorite until the networks cancelled it.
Damn stalkers. Offer free parking on your front lawn for the nearest bar. That oughtta sort him. Or do like I did – nothing says ‘I love you too, honey, oh please won’t you give me some more of that hot stalking ak-shawn’ like a restraining order.
Call me old fashioned, but I like to distinguish between actual stalking and separation anxiety. Getting left has got to be pretty hard, especially when there’s a kid and a marriage involved. I might engage in the odd drive-by myself, under such circumstances.
I guess it’s the “telling you about it” part that makes it stalking, huh?
Not that you asked for my advice but–
Don’t get a baseball bat. You’ll just end up on Jerry Springer. Be clear about boundaries and, if that doesn’t seem to be working, get a restraining order. Point out to him that the damage is done as far as the marriage goes and that at this point he’s only endangering his right to parent Frenchie.
If you end up in one of those really scarry situations where he’s actually violent and threatening and you’re using that restraining order like a can of Deep Woods OFF! to repell a bear then– move. Take the kid and move.
It’s easy to get caught up in the drama, and a lot of people will encourage you to engage in the righteous breaking of kneecaps. I’ve seen that done. It’s not worth it. Just leave.
If that doesn’t work– well.
Then it’ll be time for drama.
Having someone fuck with you can make you want to punish them. That’s the mistake that turns a mess into a tragedy. Stay cool and take deliberate action to stabilize the situation in your favor.
Not that you seem especially inclined to freaking out.
Don’t know if it’s only because I’m a guy, but I feel for the guy. Nobody is right and nobody wins in thse types of situations, and expecting someone whose family has just been sliced apart to just move on quietly is a litte callous. I’m speaking to the commenters, here.
And why is it that when men leave, they feel wracked with guilt and society rips them a new asshole;, but when women leave, it’s all the “You go girl” shit. Again, I’m referring to the commenters.
Not only that, but can you imagine the holy hell that would be raised if a guy decided to leave his wife AND take their kid(s) with him?
I’m not trying to put the blame on anyone. As I said, no one is right in this type of thing. Just raising some questions.
Side note: the last time I got hooked on a blog, the woman ended up leaving her husband shortly thereafter. Am I bad luck or what?
Hey, Joshua beat me to it while I was writing.
I don’t know about anyone else but I sure as hell don’t think it’s ever a good thing when a marriage breaks up. I’m supportive of you, SJ, because you made the decision to get out of a situation that wasn’t good for anyone anymore, but I hardly want to go Oprah on your ass. Divorce isn’t a good idea, but sometimes it’s the best one. There’s no point in placing blame on anyone or sulking about how bystanders aren’t behaving right.
End lecture.
keeerist! – you must be lervin this blog about now…
hehehehehehe
er.sorry
King County Superior Court is our friend. Please do not construe this as actual legal advice until i am actually a lawyer. In the meantime, good luck! And if you need to borrow a big heavy bat, I’m your girl.
(actually, my boyfriend would be your girl, because he keeps the bat on his side of the bed. which will be so helpful if he is ever attacked in a dead sleep. if the amount of time it takes me to wake him in the morning is any indication, we will be stabbed at least seven times over before he can clear his eyes and reach for the good old Louisville Slugger! but i digress.)
why does my linky-link show up all crappy? whoops.
still, the sentiment remains dear.
Restraining order….
fuck it he had his chance (prolly multiple) and blew it… he needs to go away now
and yeah I’ll say it, “you go girl”
Wow, I’m not sure if the Mr. Ex is just dumb or turning crazy, but I’m with Joshua on this one. Even if I do own a baseball bat myself.
I hope the individuals and your little family as a whole heal quickly in this uneasy time (because though as partners you’re separated, you as parents still have a family to nurture)
what dvl said. :)
boob show? awright!!
lordy, girl. a big separation and move and single parenthood and school starting with all of its’ attendant schoolishness (which is similar to foolishness)…best of luck, thinking of you. :)
i’m gonna be at the PLA conference next month right there where you live in beautiful seattle. wanna get a bite to eat or something? signed, sulky, who is NOT a stalker. :)
I used to live next to a retirement community, and they were quiet, except for the fact that the town fire trucks were there every day (no exaggeration). I guess old people are pyromaniacs.
Pyromaniacs.
Ha-hahahahaha!
Dying old people humor cracks my shit up.
My favorite part of Vacation is still the bit where the strap the aunt to the roof of the car.
ps- just to be clear about something: I live in Seattle and have a baseball bat and very little compunction, in principle, about using it. it’s just I’ve seen a lot of that kind of thing done in my life and the conclusion I’ve come to is that violence is almost always the worst solution to most problems. I have known evil men– men who would be put to their best use stopping bullets with their heads in any case– who beat their girlfriends and their kids. and I’ve seen them hurt very badly for their crimes. and in every case, running away would have been easier and safer than the amazing train wreck that resulted from answering violence with violence. the only people who can hurt other people with impunity are cops. or white people who fuck with black people. in every other case, there’s a hard price to be payed, even if you had a good reason for doing it. sometimes that has to happen. but most of the time it doesn’t, and it always bums me out how surprised people are by the results of their actions when things turn violent. a friend of mine did seven years for shooting and killing a guy who came at him with a knife. and there were steps leading up that place, where things could have gone differently. but by the time people were thinking about things in that light, it was too late to fix the situation.
you know what i mean, suzyque?
yeah i meant the restraining order was a good idea… sorry after reading my post it did come across kinda wrong…
i just dont understand why people insist on following the loved ones they ignored for so so long after they’ve left. too little too late
In the words of the great Joan Jett: “You don’t know what you’ve got ’till it’s gone.”
Or in the words of the great Lyle Lovett, “They say hindsight’s 20/20.”
Ugh, I’m getting my country crooners mixed up – easy to do at this time of night, at my age, when it’s a WHOLE HOUR later than it is in Seattle. I meant Randy Travis. Goodnight.
I can’t help but feel sorry for Mr. Husband also and feel his “give me one more chance” pain. However:
Though after I made up my mind to leave my husband, absolutely nothing could have persuaded me to go back and give him any sort of chance. He was bad for me, he made me feel bad about myself, and I didn’t believe that he was going to change. I realized that his vision of what a family was and what love was – his vision was just way different than mine. So even if he could have magically changed his whole attitude and various individual behaviors, he still had no clue. Maybe after some years of intense consciousness raising or therapy. However, I was not waiting. In fact now he has completely changed his whole lifestyle and sounds much happier and nicer and sort of centered. I’m glad but I would never, ever marry him again. I have too much built up hurt and hatred. It’s not like he’s asking, mind you. At the time he was all like “Someday you will be down and out and will wake up and realize I was the only person who ever really loved you… and you’ll come back to me. ” Thanks for the vote of confidence, fucko!
I also think of my ex-girlfriend Misha and how she eventually got more or less sane after I left her. I think the years of therapy helped. Sane or not I could not live with her and her weird family and her goals and her workaholicness and constant level of intensity.
Good luck with accepting it, Mr. Husband, because it truly sounds to me like it is horribly sad, but it is too late, and you should try to think of Frenchie and arrange your life so that you can share custody in some way that works…. I hope….
And commenters that feel that we all assume it’s okay for the female to whisk off with the kid: oh please give me a break with the backlash. We are saying “You go girl” because we read SJ’s blog not Mr Husband’s and thus are her friends.
La pauvre SJ! – I can’t believe you’re reduced to eating Special-K. Or maybe they use a different recipe in the US and it doesn’t taste like moist newspaper?
I guess breaking up is hard to do.
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