Retail Therapy, Yo

Thank you fascist U.S. government…I haven’t been this flush since I was sucking dick for drug money. Okay, so I wasn’t sucking dick, but I do seem to remember some drug money. I have made a vow never to marry anyone else with a record.

ANYWAY, went to KMartha yesterday and dropped a good deal of fall financial aid on extremely sexy pots and pans. No more compromising…no more buying the absolute cheapest thing, because now I don’t have to. Today I am off to buy sheets in the foo-foo girliest color I want…or not. I decide. I did not totally understand what the lawyer was saying about my Baby’s Daddy being “voluntarily underemployed” until it occurred to me I can now buy food whenever I wish. No more waiting twelve hours with a grumbly tummy until the taxi money comes home (or not), because between loans and my job I am finally bringing in a Seattle-livable wage.

Is it wrong to want to hump your housewares, just because they are yours, all yours? What will I sleep with first, my new spatula? Or perhaps I will curl up in a pile of my new bath towels. I love you, ergonomic potato peeler. Kiss me, cast-iron skillet. Goodnight, toilet brush.

15 thoughts on “Retail Therapy, Yo

  1. glad to see you are REALLY back! i am a big fan of the ergonomic ice-cream scooper (that heats up in the microwave for easy scooping) myself! i guess you could just run a spoon under hot water before scooping, but where’s the fun in that?

  2. If you want to make sweet love to kitchen gagdgety and pots, head over to TJMaxx. I kid you not, best crap at the best prices. Its like a bathhouse for kitchen goodies.

  3. y’all be fucked in the haid. :) the rubber garlic peeler’s where it’s at, dontcha know that??

    ditto. very glad to see you relaxed and having FUN!! girl, just wait till you get over to the makeup store. more good times ahead!! ;)

  4. I completely understand your love affair with the spatula and potato peeler. I swear, I have an orgasm when we pull into the Ikea parking lot and I see that big ugly yellow & blue building! Those Swedes can make some kick ass duvet covers and pot racks. Last summer I actually spent a night sleeping on the sidewalk in the rain in front of Ikea (while drunk, of course – we headed straight to Ikea after leaving Ottobar) so I could get a free leather Poang chair with my best friend on her birthday. Scary indeed.

  5. no no. target’s the bomb and all. but kmartha has the asskickin’ kitchen stuff as well…insider trading or no! :)

    when kmart went bankrupt a while back and they were closing stores, i went to one during its’ last week of business. i got a whole big set of dishes, tumblers, wine glasses, and tons of fun things like butter dishes and cookie canisters and so forth. i mean, i got a lot. all for about $60 on deep clearance! hells yes! i felt like i had taken martha to the cleaners (like she’d really care)…

  6. IKEA is simply the best, but if yer a canuck looking for kitchen goodies then Kitchen Stuff Plus is what you really want….

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