For the Interested Reader’s Elucidation, A Field Guide to Typical Species present at the Modern Library School.
Introduction.
What follows being an account of a field researcher’s immersion in the Library School environment for 1 year and 3 months. The English name of the species is followed by the Latin one.
The Librarian: (Librarius) In the simplest terms, the Librarian species may be classified by where they want to work, such as a public, private, or academic library. However, this species may be further divided into several subspecies, not all of which are listed here: “The Freedom Fighter,” “The Children’s Librarian,” and “The I-Would-Like-to-Sit-and-Read-Books-All-Day.”
The Freedom Fighter: (Librarius Gravitas) This subspecies of librarian is a huge opponent of the Patriot Act and believes that freely disseminating information is the world’s highest and noblest calling. Temperament ranges from dour and self-righteous to entertaining to consume alcoholic beverages with. This subspecies may be recognized by their obsession with the activities of Congress and their call: “We’ll see what the ACLU has to say about that.”
The Children’s Librarian: (Librarius Exaspero) It is difficult to miss this frequently insufferable subspecies, whose calling cards are sensible shoes, ever-present knitting needles click-click-clicking away, and an irritatingly sunny and nurturing disposition.
The outsider should be warned, however, that this species may turn vicious if the unwary inquirer dares to ask, “So you’re going to read stories to children for a living? Don’t you want to do something interesting with your life?” Additionally, this intrepid field researcher has discovered that under no circumstances should any person say in the presence of The Children’s Librarian, “I like children…with barbecue sauce.”
The Children’s Librarian can be recognized from afar by its high-pitched, whiny response to any debate, no matter the topic: “But what about the children?” It is unseemly to speculate about the mating habits of this subspecies.
The I-Would-Like-To-Sit-and-Read-Books-All-Day: (Librarius Miseratio) The saddest moment in the early part of this species’ lifecycle arrives when The IWLTSaRBAD realizes its parents are attempting to push their progeny out of the nest. What to do now?
Distinctive call: “I like books!”
“Information Professionals”: (Librarius Disassociatata) Slightly snappier dressers than the Librarian species. They frequently migrate in from the business world, and may be easily spotted by their unmistakable call: “I am here to develop a broad base of technology and information skills.”
Often spotted reading JASIST and gloating over the fact that “Information Professionals” make on average ten grand a year more than the Librarian species. Not much information is known about this species’ mating habits; it is supposed that this type is too practical to choose a mate from within the available mating pool of the Library School Environment.
The Archivist: (Librarius Obsessivus Packratus) This species is usually spotted in basements, rooting through boxes of old crap that someone forgot about. The Archivist will then make extensive hierarchies and indexes of what the old crap is and feel very satisfied with itself.
Occasionally, The Archivist species may be spotted out of a basement, squinting uncomfortably at the sun’s glaring rays. When this is the case, they would be difficult to recognize if not for their cry, “I am heading to an Archivist’s meeting/convention/conference.”
If The Archivist species was honest with itself, its signature call would sound something like, “Objects are more important that information!”
The Information Scientist: (Librarius Boredomus Psychosa) This species is recognizable by its over-inflated sense of self-importance and delusions that it will change the world through minor research of little consequence. If trapped in an elevator or at a party with The Information Scientist, one should not make eye contact unless one is interested in overly-dramatized tales of woe regarding human subjects and grant funding. Remember, certain forms of stress are contagious. Put a drink in The Information Scientist’s hand and back away slowly.
The Information Scientist’s call is: “Qualitative research has more inherent value than quantitative research…hey, where’s everyone going?”
It should be noted that the Information Scientist species is the natural enemy of The Archivist and The Children’s Librarian, and should not be kept captive with either type for any length of time. The mating habits of The Information Scientist are disturbing.
I never would have know the almost limitless diversity found within the realm of library sciences. You have enlightened me!
Excellent post!
This was my first time to stumble across your site, I’m glad I did it’s excellent.
So, if somebody else printed this out, mass produced it, and scattered it around the libraries and offices of the MIS, do you think you’d get in trouble?
oh, i SO have to forward this to every single freaking librarian i work with. DEAD ON THE MONEY baby. as per usual. :)
hehehehe! My Dad is TOTALLY the Freedom Fighter – and also the freakin’ PRESIDENT of the ACLU in Farmington!
I love your classifications!
that was at best completely unfunny and at worst, incredibly elitist. way to perpetuate stereotypes, not that you care, obviously.
…not to mention uninformed and inaccurate. i thought a hard-on for accuracy was the information scientist’s bread and butter…wow. so this is what they’re churning out at UW…hmm, interesting. you pay a ton of money to become bitter, antisocial snobs. or, are you all like this before you begin classes? real, real nice. then again…you are an asshole. so…see ya.
excellent stuff SJ!
Wow, someone has their panties on a little too tight. I think that unfortunately for you, Sulkbrarian, by choosing to have absolutely no sense of humor about your chosen profession you have inadvertently lent credence to SJ’s (what I found to be) satirical musings. Now who’s the asshole?
I get this feeling you are an information scientist…
But you may stand above it all ridiculing those below (as I think that I do in my own field).
I’m one of the library parasites…wholly dependent upon libraries.
Yar. It be humor, Sulky. I am indeed the IS freak. I chose to trash myself hardest of all.
The question be: which slot does your companion fit into?
Denise: I believe he has the makings of a children’s librarian. He is a krazy children’s magnet. It is adorable.
Funny.
Boy, some people have NO sense of humor. I think you’re funny, SJ!!!!
Cool! Are you and Sulky gonna have a mudwrasslin’ bout now?
How does stuff get into the OED? I want ‘assmitten’ in there. It just belongs.
What’s the etymology anyway?
The iAsshole corporation (a subsidiary of Apple Computer?) is currently the No.2 site on google for assmittens.
What about the “I’m so emotionally scarred from my previous profession that I want to join the secular nunnery” type? Met a lot of those–still do.
The LL
(aka Linda Absher)
I think things get included in the OED by their use in print publications. It has to be included in a print publication a certain number of times. I’ll bet the rules have changed and some online sources count now (I dunno tho), but I doubt blogs count…otherwise the OED would swell much more quickly…due to words like assmitten.
this is better than a discovery channel special
W/r/t the mating habits of the corporate information specialist: I’m marrying a law librarian! No shit. Well, now you know…
I think you are trying to be funny with this. But it just sounds hateful.
Here’s the link to the OED http://www.oed.com/readers/
However, as “assmitten” only exists online right now, it can’t be entered. SJ must get “assmitten” into print form before we can all write in and have them include it in the next version. Until that piont, I urge everyone to write in with “santorum”. If you don’t know what that is, check this out (but be warned: it is not for everyone): http://www.spreadingsantorum.com/index2.html
SJ, you hate too much. You’re so full of rage and prejudice. Can’t you understand that hatred is not the way? That it only harms you to be so angry all the time? This post clearly hurt a lot of people’s feelings and I just get the impression you don’t care! And I know you care SJ. I know you care a lot. I know you’re a good person, even if they don’t! And… oh god! The humanity! The miserable fucking humanity of it all!
SJ? Can I give you a hug?
I think we’ll both feel better.
Along those same lines (rather than “in that same vein” because I can never remember if “vein” is spelled “vein” or “vien”):
I believe this quote from Mil Millington applies:
“Q: Because I have only a vestigial sense of humour and am also, let’s be honest, not the brightest person in the world, I actually believe that this page isn’t a collection of amusing things, but rather a place in which you’ve poured out your feelings, perhaps as a form of therapy or a cry for help. What am I?
A: You’re a twat.”
That is too damn funny.
Oh hahahaha Joshua! you slay me! That was the best imaginary hug ever…
— Archivist and proud
Supa: Dad is also, in peacetimes, the I-Just-Want-To-Sit-and-Read-Books-All-Day type. But yeah, president of the ACLU chapter….
Sulkbrarian: It’s called SATIRE, see, and is best done by an insider. I could satirize (sp?) artists, as I am one. Of course it might sound mean or elitist to anyone who is not a) an artist, or b)has no sense of humor. Git ovah yerself.
Well put, T.
dude, i can’t believe that Sulkbrarian got so pissed off about this post. wasn’t he like asking far a date two weeks ago — and now he’s THAT pissed off “…so, see ya.” ?!?!
“hey, i’ll be in San Fran, wanna go to lunch…”
Greg– Actually, Sulkbrarian’s a “she”. Though I can see why you might be confused. The pictures on her blog don’t help. (damn, that was cold)
no, i know it’s a she – but she was still asking for a date.
First time on the site, but gotta comment: I think you missed a few categories of library folk that I experienced in library school: the Lipstick Librarian, typically a housewife who’s bored…the kind who does her hair and makeup every day despite having no plans to leave the house. She finally decides she looks too good to keep cooped up and thinks a library job would be none too stressful way of getting her attention fix while not doing any ‘real’ work – she’s figuring at the library, she’ll have access to ALL the women’s magazines. The second type: the school media specialist. She’s getting her MLS to get a bump in pay and could care less about information transfer theory. She manages the VCR carts and she’ll get her raise, by God, even if it takes her eight years to complete, one course at a time.
People get advanced degrees in Information Science because they realize their obscure advanced humanities degree wont get them a job. Then they go out into the world with their newly earned soft skills and end up working as a secratary or getting a third degree. I went all the way to Indiana to get mine and have been regretting it from day two of enrollment.