Franny’s father, our infamous SeaFed, has decided not to broach matters with my mother at all. Not AT ALL. Words that were used were basically to the effect of “You need to talk to Morgan because she has a problem with you right now ok.”
Naturally, this makes me insane, because he wants to have it both ways. He wants someone to dump Franny on so he doesn’t have to make the commute to her school on Monday mornings when he has her, but doesn’t want to face the reality of any problems there may be with his choice of child care. The reason I continue to be a click removed is because I am removed from her. I’ve made myself clear that I don’t want to see her and I don’t want my girls around her.
So I get a frantic call from my sister today after she got the message from SeaFed. “I’ve already had this fight with Mom, I don’t want to do it again.” What’s that sound? Click click click, I am being pulled in closer. Clean up crew gets to come in and say all the mean shit. I don’t blame my sister; Franny’s not her kid.
I have asked Seafed to make any time with my mother supervised and alcohol-free, but I feel like I am leaving important decisions regarding my child to a donkey with portions of its frontal lobe missing and a carny with extreme short-term memory problems and the attendant decision-making skills.
I offered to have a conversation with my sister present via speakphone with my mother and to say all the ugly shit. My sister and I are hashing it out, trying to form a plan. I keep telling her she did the right thing by not hiding what is happening. My sister is terrified that my mother will turn on her now for ratting. I predict what will happen is that things will get hideous, it will strain my sister’s relationship with my mother, and that my mother and SeaFed will get together and talk about how unreasonable I am and things will go on as before, because that will show my control freak ass. That’s my pessimism talking, but it’s also been par for the course. Family trumps all, any problem can be glossed over, and I am unreasonable.
And if anything happens to Franny as a result of how “unreasonable” I am, I am going to SNAP.
I had the same fears and worries when my son was left alone with his father and his father’s drug addled family. I eventually put my foot down, said FUCK ALL OF YOU and left. We’ve not seen them in over 2 years and I don’t anticipate that changing soon.
This is a shit, suck situtaion. Bah!
It’s a horrible situation SJ. Particularly hard to be the only one prepared to confront. Good on you for standing up for your kid.
He is just…useless. I don’t know the guy, or you for that matter, but I am feeling a kind of seething rage on your behalf right now.
How does Franny feel about her grandmother? If you can’t prevent SeaFed from leaving her in your mother’s “care,” can you give Franny some strategies for being around her? It sounds really awful for you.
Thanks everyone. Tami, this is my next move, arming the kid with infos.
With SeaFed be intimidated by the threat of court? Because he is essentially, in your opinion, endangering your child while she is supposed to be his custody. Not hard to argue in court that if YOU are completely shunning YOUR family member because of addiction concerns, he should not then be using her as a babysitter. I know court is expensive and a PITA, but would suggesting that’s your next step have any effect…? I forget how lobotomized donkeys tend to react to that sort of thing.
If your relationship with your mom is already damaged beyond repair, could you get a restraining order that legally keeps her away from franny, an anybody who breaks that (seafed) is in deep shit? (I don’t have kids, I don’t know how this works.) Buhhh. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. :( **hugs**
Gah. No wonder your dreams are off the charts. Lots to deal with here, and I agree that the next step is to arm F. with the good tools. Be well
Report him (and/or your mom) to social services anonymously for endangering F by leaving her with someone who is regularly intoxicated.
Giving F strategies for coping with G-maw & debriefing her when she gets home is a great idea too. You’re good at that.
I should also say, I really admire you for protecting your kids even though it causes strife. I was raised by wolves, basically, and would not leave a houseplant of mine with them, but my brother regularly dumps any of his three kids with them for free babysitting, and can’t understand why anyone would have an issue with this. I’ve heard stories from my nephews & my parents of time they’ve spent together that make my hair stand on end. I think it’s great that you don’t take the easy way out on this.
But, but, donkeys are nice things! I hear donkeys all over the world distancing themselves from being compared with this SeaFed.
I kind of gave up on social services when they would not go check up on Franny, who was getting cut up on exposed nails and wires in his endless remodel of his old house.
Are there not laws against dumping a minor with unsuitable people in circumstances like these? People fight for weekends/vacations with their kids and then endanger their mental and physical health. (A meatspace friend of mine is going through this too, her child gets left in unsavoury company when her ex has the child for school vacations and her ex wants to go do stuff wthout the child.) I would give social services a try again. I guess you don’t want to go to court again, and damn it Seafed does too and is making the most of it. Strength to you.