Into The Neglect-o-Matic With You

Strudel is now in her sixth month. She is approaching the apex of baby cutedom, which I think peaks at around eight months (after this you segue into toddler cutedom). She is getting wiggly–very wiggly. Wiggly like jumping up and down in my lap like an agitated baboon, and doing tummy doughnuts in her crib when she should be napping.

My companion and I have been following the basic tenets of attachment parenting, which seems to make Strudel happy. Many people say the key to making attachment parenting work successfully is to do as much as you can without going insane. In other words, to find a balance that works.

It seems everyone who cares about it has a slightly different definition of AP. This is how we do it:

1) We hold her as much as possible.
This is now getting difficult, as she flings herself around so much that even the sling is a two-handed proposition. Plus she has hit twenty pounds, so the sling is now hell on my neck and back. I am using the strolly a lot now, which she likes.

2) I still breastfeed her.
…Even though she now has sharp little fangs on the bottom and when she is really hungry she grabs my clothes with both fists, as if she is roughing up some punk, and headbutts my boob, openmouthed and panting, until I give up the goods. Her animally fervor is a little intimidating. Once these were nice, unabused boobies; now, not so much.

3) We spend as much time with her as possible.
I am going back to work soon, but I am arranging my schedule so that my Companion or my sister will be here when I am not.

4) We sleep with her…sometimes.
We used to sleep with her every night, from birth. But about a month ago, she developed a mean donkey kick and a tendency to rip out her father’s body hair, of which there is A LOT. It turns out that nothing makes a thirty-year-old man scream like a little girl like involuntary depilation while sleeping. Who knew?

5) We respond to her quickly.
Babies often cry a lot in the first month because life goes from being pinkinsh, soothing, and liquidy, to loud, colorful, and confusing. My friend Supa refers to this as the “perpetual acid-trip stage.” The textbooks call this “overstimulation.” For that first hellacious month of howling, we could do nothing but hold her while she howled. Eventually, she got the picture that we were trying to make her feel better. So now instead of an hour of crying, we get a couple of minutes of whining until we figure out what she needs.

Something had to give, though, after a few weeks of donkey-kicking. Those fat hams we call “legs” are getting stronger and stronger as she prepares to crawl, and my back was getting sore every day from holding her as she bounced. So we got the most wonderful thing in the history of Unattachment Parenting: The Jumparoo. It’s just like those old doorway jumpers, except this comes with its own frame. Strudel loves it; one day she went up-and-down for forty-five minutes, time that would would have ordinarily been spent fussing in my lap, because I don’t have that stamina. I can now forgive Fisher-Price for making that busted-ass Tickle-Me-Elmo.

screw_this.jpg

Figure 1: Screw Attachment Parenting!

9 thoughts on “Into The Neglect-o-Matic With You

  1. I still mourn the loss of my johnny-jumpup, and jealously eye small children who can still use one.

    There is nothing wrong with a toy that brings happy goodness, and I say it still qualifies AP if you are just listening to little Strudel’s strident message of, “I NEED TO JUMP!” Just because it is made of plastic doesn’t make it evil.

    Mr. S.

    PS. You probably shouldn’t leave me unattended in a room with Strudel’s new jumparoo.

  2. Aw, Strudel loves it! You’re still attached, since you’re picking her up when she doesn’t want to jump. Plus, it’s not like you leave her alone with broken glass and rusty nails while she’s jumping. You only do that to me, right?

  3. The hell with the labels – there is Parenting, and there is Not-Parenting. Every child is different, and so will require different techniques to raise. Some kids thrive on personal attention, some want to be put down so they can explore.

    My own daughter shared Strudel’s love for motion, and now if I could get her to run on a treadmill I could hook a generator to it and power half the city. I’d say you’ve got a runner on your hands, and you’ll be lucky to keep her in sight let alone be attached to her in any way :)

  4. For the first five months of his life, Youngerspawn (now age 2.75) had to sleep ON The Wife or I while we reclined in the lazy boy. He would not sleep in his crib.

    I think that may have something to do with the fact he ws in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) for the first two weeks of his life and as much as we were in the hospital with him, it wasn’t like giving the cuddlies at home.

    Now he’s developing quite a knack for the flying tackle…

  5. Hey c’mon – give yourself a break. If she’d been born a couple centuries ago she’d already be cleaning chimneys by now.

  6. I miss baby cutedom. My kid’s 8. But after careful inspection while he was asleep last night .. I found .. elbow dimples. SCORE!! He’s still my cute cuddly kid.. well, at least on the elbows.

  7. Enjoying your blog… Just read your bio and I’m curious about so much, but I’m sure the archives will tell.

    Parenting is surely an adventure, and provides a source for much humor.

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