Halo and I were at the mall yesterday, at the new LUSH store, splurging on “Honey, I Washed the Kids” and “I Should Coco” soap. YES! For so long I have waited for you, LUSH, to come to my town. And now you are in Bellevue, which is close enough. Now there is a spa situation in my shower every morning without nine dolla shipping and a week’s wait, and I am a very happy fucker. I also bought Franny an ocean bath bomb, and cut it into fourths, and last night it turned her bathwater blue and puked seaweed particles everywhere as it fizzed, much to her delight.

Every year now I have a crazy-ass birthday weekend, which is awesome. Basically I act like a spaz, eat like a spaz, and do things differently than usual. It’s kind of a renewal before we get plunged into winter proper.

So my mall objectives were thus: to have happy mall fun with Halo, including lunch at the Cheesecake Factory (forty-ninety-twelvedy menu items, and no kids menu). Cheesecake Factory, are you trying to say that the world does not revolve around children? Cheesecake Factory, you are letting the terrorists win.

Also, other objectives were to go to the LUSH store, also, to get foo foo cornball dresses for holiday pictures starring boobnibblers past and present. It is the one dumb mom thing I do. I certainly do not take my kids to see a creepy old man I’ve never met before and have them photographed on his lap (hint: anagram of SATAN). I can’t think of any other dumb mom things right now, but know that I don’t do any of them either. Oh wait, matching outfits. We don’t do that either, mainly because Franny can’t keep both of her middle fingers up in a way that passersby can tell what we’re doing.

So we were walking through Macy’s, peeping the jewelry as we took Boobnibbler Past to the bathroom (again). I recently threw out my fabulous SJ bling away because the bling dots were falling out and it was turning green. I spotted blingy initial necklaces and rushed over to fondle them.

“Ooooh!” I raccooned.

“SJ, that’s J-Lo brand,” Halo said.

“Eeee! I’ve been burned!” I backed away from the display, ashamed. “Don’t tell anyone!”

Halo laughed. “I’m putting this on my blog!”

Not if I get to it first! And I am still thinking about buying a couple.

Update! 10/24/05

Halo busts me for not being able to bust me. I am a bad friend. Co-starring my hand.