“When I think of my mom, I think of caffeine and music. You like caffeine, Mom, and you like music.”

“That is true. Those are probably my two favorite things.” This morning I was dancing around in the living room with “Hollaback Girl” on repeat and menacing Franny so she would eat all her eggs. “Eat your eggs.”

“I don’t want to eat my eggs,” Franny said.

“I know, but we stayed up late for that birthday party last night, and you need a superpower POW start.”

“I want cereal.”

“Cereal isn’t protein, yo.”

“My dad says it IS protein.” This made me laugh. Seattle Federline is probably tired of hearing the word protein over at his house.

“Your dad needs to stay in school and read some books about food,” I said.

Franny laughed. “I know, I told him he’s wrong. All he does is have classes about music. My dad needs to read some books.”

Franny ate some more eggs while I did the Robot. “You like caffeine, music, and hats!” she declared.

“I never wear hats!”

“But you like them,” she pressed.

“Yeah, okay,” I said. “Here’s your CINNAMON with BANANAS!”

“B-A-N-A-N-A-S!” we sang together.

In Other News

No cavities! I’m so glad we went. SeaFed told me he was going to be taking Franny when he went, and that he had dental insurance. Neither of these things turned out to be true, as I discovered when I called the dentist to make an appointment and see when she was due next. As it turned out…she was due the fifth of Never! So I’m glad her little toofs were okay.

And now I will send SeaFed the bill and see if he pays half. If you could see me right now I would look like a person who is not holding their breath. My strategy is to hand him the bill to him when he picks up Franny for Fangsgiving. Surely That Poor Woman will be in the car, all swollen with his evil Feder-spawn. And she will say, “What was that piece of paper?” and he will not be able to hide it. Perhaps that will ensure that it actually gets paid. I’ll let you know how this comes out.

He is wearing his manners hat lately. He emailed me to let me know he moved again, back into the house where I was keeping the chickens, which has been finally finished by some contractors hired by his father. I’m sure this was a lot cheaper in the long run because the contractors wouldn’t have unfettered access to a house account they could skim money off of for booze and saxophone reeds. And now I think his father has probably signed the house over to him. I think his family has discovered that SeaFed does his best when someone’s there to diaper his ass regularly and hold his hand as he crosses the street. A cramped house in a so-so neighborhood on a busy street, with a child, one on the way, and more in the future. That Poor Woman, you are inheriting an empire! SeaFed also thanked me for taking Franny to the doctor…which I haven’t yet. Eh.