IT was going to be one of Rabbit’s busy days. As soon as he woke up he felt important, as if everything depended upon him. It was just the day for Organizing Something, or for Writing a Notice Signed Rabbit, or for Seeing What Everybody Else Thought About It. It was a perfect morning for hurrying round to Pooh, and saying, “Very well, then, I’ll tell Piglet,” and then going to Piglet, and saying, “Pooh thinks–but perhaps I’d better see Owl first.” It was a Captainish sort of day, when everybody
said, “Yes, Rabbit ” and “No, Rabbit,” and waited until he had
told them.

Today is…one of Those Days. For some reason, I thought it would be awesome and efficient if all three of us got our teeth cleaned on the same day. So I am picking up my companion from Giant Local Software Company and driving back to Seattle to take him to his. Then I have to pick up Franny from school and get a birthday present for a friend of hers. Then Franny and I have our dentist appointments, and then we’re all going to this birthday party. Then I have late evening plans with my sister, which will be a pleasure, but it will be one more thing, you know? I am trying to time travel back to where my head was at a month ago when I made these plans…oh, look, there it is. Firmly lodged up my ass.

***********

Also, I don’t know what to do with my baby. All she wants to do is sit in my lap and fiddle with my hoodie zipper. It doesn’t seem like she’s still sick (her fever broke late on Saturday), she just wants to cling and cries if I put her down. Even worse, the little hands immediately fly up to flag the baby taxi as she cries and whines. She’s not teething right now, either. It has gone from boob ranching to boob worshipping around here. I think Strudel’s idea of a perfect day would be sitting in my lap with her head between her two best friends. (Insert “stereotypical male” joke here.)

I think she’s sweet as hell, but man, shouldn’t you be crawling? You know how to, now. Go do something with yourself. Here’s a Taco Bell app, fill this out. Franny popped out of me and was like, “Okay, thanks for that, see you later.” Strudel is so different.

There is a mom at her school who is stuck at the door with her three-year-old every day until the last child has arrived. The boy clamps himself to her leg and won’t let go until school has started. I see her shivering while she waits for him and I am afraid that is going to be me in a couple of years.

***********

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend from graduate school. He is on a different schedule than I was and is slated to finish his thesis at the end of this quarter. I am partly envious of him, because he is single and responsible only for himself, so I like to tell myself it is easier for him to finish his thesis than it was for me with my situation. But in reality I can see how stressed out he is. The thesis option is pretty stressful no matter who you are or what you’re doing.

Now that the dust has settled, I sometimes regret not having finished my thesis. But when I let it go and turned the research over to the person who finished it, it felt absolutely right. I knew halfway through graduate school that I didn’t want to become a big-L Librarian, so I was sorry I didn’t have full authorship on a publication like that under my belt. And of all the possibilities, I didn’t think my big plan after graduation would to become a stay-at-home mom, but I like doing this for now. I will find something else I want to do later, when Strudel gets bigger.

It’s funny how you can regret something and know it’s the right decision at the same time.