An online popular photo editor that shall not be named (that’s enough out of you, “Motofuckit”) seems to be shitting the bed as far as photo editing functions go right now. I gave up and resized my photos in Paint. MS PAINT, I tell you.

Ah well.

I have been eating saintishly this month, which I will probably carry on. My Whole 30 will extend past the 30th day to become a Whole Slow Decline and March to the Grave. Okay, not really. I never hyperbolize, though, do I?

Seriously though, I am eating loads of good fats, and I am rarely snacky in that locust way I always was when I was eating wheat. I always felt like Tantalus because I was always starving and I knew whatever I ate would make me feel bad.

Pineapple tomatoes, which are doing well due to our extended summer here (seems to be over now, if the torrential rain this morning is any indication), cucumbers, homemade curtido by P., sauteed beet greens offa some beets we got at the farmer’s market, and Asian meatballs.

“You’re eating like this every day?” my new endo said. (OR SHOULD I SAY, “friendo??” Too soon.)

“Yes.”

“Well that is a healthy diet,” she said.

I don’t have a scale at home but it looks like based on my weigh in at the last doctor’s visit last month I am losing about a pound a week. Not bad for shoveling in avocados like they are going out of style. I love lazy “fitness.” HA.

Edith is attempting to gain weight. She ate Franny’s entire lipgloss today after the cat knocked it onto the floor. I wanted to go to the store but I am on Shitpocolyse Watch 2014. That has to come out soon, right?? She is such a piglet–almost steamrolled me for the dregs of my bottle of peary last night. That dog loves booze.

AND HUGZ.

Or any attention, really.

Horace might be getting more attention if he could figure out how to get back inside.

SERIOUSLY, BRO? We had one of these in the last house, too.

A nice reader (and I imagine a fully realized human being when not making blog comments) asked if I would post menus/recipes for my upcoming noir festival for a cookalong/watchalong. Yes, of course. Tonight will be rather slapdash as I have mentioned, but after this there will be a full roadmap. With standard “modern” recipes that I won’t have to convert. (Err except for making them gluten free. Why should this be easy?)

I am going to the library tomorrow after they take their bucket of blood at the lab and I will post up the menus/recipes with the films in a “master” post on Saturday. I’ll link back to this on Fridays when I put my results of the evening up (pictures and a brief discussion of the cuisine and films). Feel free to skip Fridays if you are utterly bored by cookery efforts, and I will be posting in between then.

Here is a preview of what my jerks are getting for dessert, since we are really only doing dark chocolate this month:

Falcons and little chocolate guns. (But SJ those look like parrots) QUIET YOU! I defy you to find Maltese Falcon candy molds! Seriously, I would love that. Maybe I should take their little tails off?

I gently melted some 70% dark and added a little cinnamon, cayenne, and chopped pecans to the wee falcons. SPICY YUMS.