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Archive for the ‘pictorial’ Category

Dear MF Diary, Today The Boy I Like Said Hi To Me In the Hall.

Saturday, October 3rd, 2009

Me: What are you doing with this bacon grease?
P: I dunno. You want to cook with it or something?
Me: NO! I am vegemetarian now, remember.
P: Yeaaaah.
Me: Well? Can you cover this stuff up so it does not become DUSTY GREASE at least? SHUT THE LID.
P: We can save it and rub it on the foundation in case there is a flood or something.
Me: …
P: Heh heh.
Me: JUST CLEAN IT.

VERY FUNNY, P.

This parable, which is not a parable at all, is an illustration of how we never fight about anything important anymore, but only about insignificant shit. Because we are both FIGHTERS, for now and for always. At times we fight about if we are actually fighting. The girls don’t even blink. It’s nice that it doesn’t really count anymore. Sometimes I wish we would have gotten to this stage without breaking up, but that’s life.

The chickens are molting like whoa. Death Ray is nothing but some blondey fluff right now. I can really see new feathers on her.

Today I wandered all over Wallingford running errands. Did you see that they are remodeling the QFC? When I first moved here it was still Food Giant. I hope they keep the Wallingford sign that QFC transmogrified it into.

The roses are having their last hurrah. I really like this time of year before the heat goes on, the summer flowers are having one last push, and you can put in fall flowers. I put mums in the front beds this year, and I am just going to leave them there instead of treating them like annuals. My pansies are in place as well, and they will last through the winter, which is an awesome thing about Seattle. Who can complain about year-round flowers? ASSHOLES, that’s who.

Today P. is decorating practice cupcakes for Franny’s birthday. This is her golden birthday so she gets gold cake. I will post the results later. I am trying to decide what kind of gold presents to get her. Strudel is VERY ANGRY because her golden birthday isn’t until she is twelve.

There are more pics on AssFlickr if you are desirous of more rubbernecking.

Tags: bacon-scented lube, ugly chicken
Posted in Franny, MF Diary, P, Strudel, chooks, pictorial | 1 Comment »

If You Run Your Mouth About This Secret Rendezvous, I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN

Tuesday, July 15th, 2008

Damn you, Rich. Damn you straight to Cleveland. OH LORD PLEASE EXORCISE THE DEMON MARIAH CAREY FROM MY SOUL.

Anywayz. As if you won’t have enough to do, I made you this BLOGHER CONF BINGO! The first one to win gets declared offish off the chi-zain.

FURTHER, I don’t know if you remember that book I appeared in recently, but it will be for sale at the Blogher BlogHer Swap Meet, Saturday at 12:15 – 1:30, in the Olympic Room (second floor). I will sign for you or not. Please remember that zero dollars and zero cents of this book goes into my liquor and jiggly bikini girls fund. It’s all charitable giving, so ABSOLUTELY no enabling of I, Asshole will occur as a result of buying and enjoying this book.

Posted in pictorial | 7 Comments »

Can You See Me? Can You Hear Me? Then You’re In Our Delivery Area.

Sunday, July 13th, 2008

Today I went to see The Wackness, preceded by a nice glass of scotch and some phad thai. Nothing is better than that, really. Well, toss in some satanic cheerleaders and I would be all set. There were minimal amounts of Mary-Kate Trollsen, and the soundtrack gave me crazy nostalgia for when Biggie Small’s first album came out. It was set in 1994, which did nothing but give me sad sack nostalgia from the music and knowing small time drug dealers who used pagers and shit.

And now, a nice glass of homemade raspberry cordial. I added half-and-half and now it is looking kind of curdled. NOM. Doesn’t that sound SO delicious, curdled? Sadly, it is.

I repotted some thyme this weekend in this hideous faux barrel thing made of plastic with gold plastic trim. Gorgeous.

Also, Operation I Cannot Make Up My Fucking Mind was a success.

Narsty Roots of Narsitness

ERNGE in-between stage. I decided to do the roots orange instead of crazy bleach out so I can settle back to “natural” redheadedness when summer ends. This color was pretty nice, but the top half was ORANGE and the bottom half is still hanging onto the red.

After:

Everyone loves a HAPPY psycho. No? NO? I keel you.

The funniest thing happened, if by “funny” I mean “incompetence on everyone’s part.” I reserved a hotel room for Blogher and then I went to look it up in my email a few weeks later. It was nowhere. Was I have an junior senior moment? Did I just imagine that I made the reservation? The older I get the more credulous I get, I think. I called the hotel, hello, hello, where the fuck is my room? “We have never heaaared of you.” “Okay, bye, cocks.” Hmm, it is looking more and more like I was partaking of the crack. Hotel was now full. I made a hostel reservation.

Hmm, this could be good, I told myself. I won’t run into crazy drunken bitches in the hallway (which will actually just be me, making out with a mirror), I can saves the moneys, etc. BUT LO, in my inbox yesterday was a confirmation from the HOTEL. Wut. I am hotel bound now, because if I could marry one inanimate object, it would be a hotel room.

Also, here is an info begzor: can I hav sum n-fo PLZ? I have use of a craptop for the conf but the internal wireless card is borkenated. Can anyone briefly tell me about their experiences with wireless USB? Is good? Is no good? Pay no more than X? Avoid X brand?

I am coming from the Internets to axe murder you!

Call 398-C-O-L-D, 398-…cold.

Posted in BlogHer, Rantin, pictorial | 22 Comments »

So We’ve Reached The Lipnicki Stage, I See.

Wednesday, August 1st, 2007

This morning I was making some special cornmeal pancakes to give Franny a proper send off to Babydaddyport.

“I am really sad, I mean supersad that I have to go back to my dad’s today. I wish I could stay with you for one million years.”

“Yeah, honey, I’m really….”

“DID YOU KNOW, that astronauts in space have to DRINK their own PEE? I mean, they filter it, and they say it’s not yellow anymore, but you would KNOW you were drinking pee.”

“Yeah, I think I’ve….”

“I feel like I’m going to cry. And then I feel SO HAPPY again,” she said.

“I know.”

“Do you like making people laugh, Mom? You do, right? I can tell.”

“Yes. It’s my favorite thing.”

“Hmm,” she said.

“What?”

“Oh, I was thinking something, but now I’m just watching Strudel fuck up the wall with her rocker.”

I love this fucking kid. If she was a snack, I would eat all of her without sharing.

(more…)

Posted in Experiemento, Franny, MF Diary, blogher07, pictorial | 11 Comments »

Still Life With Babydaddy

Wednesday, July 25th, 2007

ONE

“Ah, I wish I didn’t have to go to work.”

“I know. Let’s think about what it would be like if we weren’t too tired to have sex.”

“Mmm.”

Figure 1: Nut Tort by Companion.

TWO

“I can’t stop looking at that dolphin on your hip.”

“Oh…Reilly?”

“It’s hypnotizing me!”

“Ha.”

“You are dolphin-safe. That means I can eat your tuna without worry.”

Figure 2: Dolphins should probably still fear me.

“HEY! Why are you kicking me, woman?”

“Unless you’re making some kind of reference to me being a manufacturing plant, I don’t think you should talk about eating my tuna,” I said.

“Oh. Whoops.”

Figure 3: My new toddler smuggling operation is unstoppable.

THREE

“Oh noes!”

“What?” he said.

Figure 4: Hella limoncello.

“I forgot to get some nipple stickers to smother the pepperoni!”

“Well…you could always use the labels you used for the limoncello.”

“That would be friendly.”

Figure 5: He’s a geenyus, I tells ya.

Webcomics I am enjoying today:

Reading Inverloch to Franny.
What’s This? …probably only of interest if you have played The Sims 2. I mean, if you’ve played, even the title brings lulz. The writer, I think, will only get better.

It reminds me of Ye Olde Playing with Dolls, when that was updated, which is funny even if you’ve never played.

(more…)

Posted in Companion, Sweet Domesticity, pictorial | 13 Comments »

Velvet Aboveground

Tuesday, June 5th, 2007

I mentioned that when I got my bathroom painted and hung my latest velvet paintings I would publish my catalogue. Well! The bathroom is painted, but I still haven’t gotten my lil’ ponies up. But as it turns out you can photograph them anyway.

Jimi says it’s party time. But he always does. He comes into work every day hung over, but I can’t fire him. I know he’s got a bunch of bodyless babies to provide for.

Y U SO SINSUR, Jimi?

(more…)

Posted in pictorial | 12 Comments »

Sup Gringa

Friday, May 18th, 2007

For LM, iperp extraordinare, and helo B. Dewey. I would describe it as sort of a purpley color. I try to move towards red in the summer, but I have like 47 bottles of fuchsia in the closet right now, so what ya gonna do when they come for you? It’s a lot like when we were iperps together, I think. Halo was just here and she said it reminded her of Ye Olde Days. (like Ye Olde Days when I did not have this muffin top. Sniff.)

And you can see here that my hair matches my face, which matches the rose I am drinking. Yum!

I also want to say that I resolved my grumpity hair crisis. A friend turned me on to Oohla’s in Fremont. I go to Michelle, and let me say that she is brassy, funny, and covered in tattoos, so you can bet that we don’t get along at all. She is totally doing right by my hair and is fun to talk to to boot. Michelle has also cut my giant hedge of hair down, so it no longer looks like a “giant blob” as she put it. (It was.) And I have seen her doing “normal” hair too, and she does a good job with that as well. If anyone is interested, do make an appointment and tell her SJ sent ya.

Today I am also interested in the phenomenon of Domestic Discipline, as linked to by Flea on her guest stint on Feministe. You dirty, dirty Christians. Why did you not tell me you were getting up to these sorts of things? Seriously, this is a point in favor of conversion.

Also, OMG, my kid is spending the night at her teacher’s house tonight. Her teacher was foolish enough to auction herself off as a slumber party hostess, so it’s a win, win, winwinwin. Except maybe for the teacher. Well, whatevs. Franny can go party down, and I can get the night off from reading Ramona and Beezus.

PS, watch this PSA from El Fonz from the amazing year 1984. Strong kids, safe kids. It also features my posthumous boyfriend John Ritter.

Posted in pictorial | 14 Comments »

Minutiae EXPLOSION!

Tuesday, May 8th, 2007

When you see this sign, you know there’s going to be some Qwality Babbling. Accept no substitutes. Try some to-day!

(more…)

Posted in Franny, Rantin, Strudel, Sweet Domesticity, pictorial | 16 Comments »

Pew! Pew!

Monday, May 7th, 2007

Regular readers know that I adore mi amore, Teh Macro. So I couldn’t resist when Halo sent me the link to lolbrarians. Unforch, I don’t know how to drive one of them LJ thingummies, so I’ll have to be content with posting it here. Props to the lolbrarians.

Posted in pictorial | 3 Comments »