Last night we went off to Redmond to see one of the latest concoctions from Cirque du Soleil. You probably shouldn’t read this if you’ve yet to go, as my interpretation of Cirque du Soleil’s newest show may spoil the surprise of their special brand of glitzy gibberish. I don’t know, can you spoil something that doesn’t completely make sense? I’m not complaining; I like it when things don’t make sense.

Anyway, the show currently in Seattle is called “Varekai,” which according to the website is the Romany word for “wherever.” I thought maybe it would have a gypsy-type theme, then, but it featured a lot of people dressed as bugs and sea creatures writhing around on the stage. This in itself is pretty cool, but these people are so flexible that several times I was afraid their heads might accidentally slide into their crotches. It’s a good thing they were wearing so much spandex, is all I’m going to say.

The show starts with this feathered Icarus dude falling out of the sky. He gets his wings yoinked away by a jerk with a lightbulb spouting out of his head. The rest of the show features this Icarus guy sliding around the stage as if he’s been half deboned, while the other people/creatures taunt them with his own wings. This is broken up with comedy, light effects, and people swinging around on ropes and narrowly avoiding giving birth to their own heads. There are also people ambling around on crutches and what appears to be water therapy.

Apparently, at the end Mr. Icarus gets well again. I kept waiting for the little man to get his wings back and FLY A-GAIN, but instead he gets distracted and marries the most flexible girl there, who could probably lick her entire spine. Well played, Icarus, well played.

Okay, so this may sound a little critical, but I really enjoyed myself, and so did my fella. It’s the first time we’ve had a night out since Valentine’s Day, and that alone made it pretty awesome. If I have any nits to pick with Cirque du Soleil, it’s that they march you through one of the merch tents on your way in and out. But hey, no one forced me to buy a four-dollar clown nose, so we were fine. I enjoyed it more than the first time I went, because I was pregnant with Franny and was, therefore, slightly ADD, as well as on the countdown to intermission because of my bladder.

In Other News: I Am Still Mad at Myself

I have gotten many replies on the issue with Franny and her placement in kindergarten. Tami, who has made useful and interesting comments here in the past, wrote:

What worries me is that in the Seattle Public Schools principals have some power in assigning spaces in school, but it’s usually done by the enrollment center. The principal agreeing with your assessment is nice, but the question is, is there space in 1st grade at the school you’ve chosen, and is there a waiting list? Even if the principal agrees with you, if she doesn’t have a spot, she doesn’t have a spot. That is a very different problem, particularly since it was Frannie’s father who screwed up (or not; has he decided how he’s playing this?) not the SPS.

What I left out is that the principal did indeed say she would have to contact enrollment services about this. It’s a very popular school and program, so I’m sure (cheery optimist that I am) that the spaces in the first grade are gone, and that will be the email reply I get on Monday to this email, which the principal asked me to send to her so she could “forward it on and take action on this.”

Hello Ms. Principal,

We just spoke about my daughter, Franny, who has been mistakenly enrolled in the X kindergarten program by my ex-husband. She has been in a fully AMI-accredited her school program at X her school for three years (since 2003). Franny is reading and doing math and I strongly believe she should be in the 1st/2nd/3rd split. I am very concerned that she will be bored in another year of a kindergarten setting. I’m certain I could put you in contact with her current teacher about Franny’s abilities.

I appreciate your attention in regards to this matter. Please call my cell phone at XXX if you have any questions or information about this, or reply to this email address.

Again, thanks for looking into this!

I also spoke with Franny’s current teacher to make sure that she and I were on the same page with first grade next year. Franny’s teacher was pretty distressed to hear that it had been bogo’ed, since she has the 411 on the enrollment process as well. She said that she thinks that Franny will be “understimulated” in a kindergarten setting, and thinks that she has the maturity for first grade. She won’t be six until the fall, but Franny’s teacher says she fits in with the six-year-olds now. She’s also just a big girl–one of the tallest in her class. I don’t want her to be one of those giant hulking kindergarteners in with the little shrimpies.

So, I don’t know how the Seattle Public Schools thing will turn out, but I will tell you that there is something else cooking for school next year that could be yet another workable solution. I will let you know when I know if I can pull it off. And it’s nothing illegal, immoral, or dangerous. Stay tuned.

As far as how SeaFed is “playing this” (as Tami wrote) I have no idea. I have not discussed any of this with him. He never really has a good reason or excuse for doing the things he does, except for “I feel comfortable with it,” so I think my time is better spent teaching a marshmallow to play Parcheesi. (It might work, naysayers.) If I give him any indication that I am angry or displeased or think he’s doing something wrong, he goes all “You’re hurting Franny by expressing your feelings” on me. I am allowed to have feelings and opinions, motherfucker. I am going to go around him for as long as I possibly can, until I can fix Franny’s school situation for next year.

What I did do was call SeaFed’s girlfriend, That Poor Woman, yesterday. I heard it through the grapevine that she had a horrific birth with not much help from SeaFed (which sounds like Franny’s birth, except I didn’t have complications like she did), and she’s been with him for two years now, so I’m hoping she will be able to accept me as someone other than a crazy bitch ex-wife. (A lot of men have those, don’t they?) I invited her over to speak with her next week.

Most people who have encountered her have told me she seems down-to-earth and level-headed. The worst things I have heard about her–that she is “boring” and “an alcoholic” have come from SeaFed himself. We know he’s not reliable, so I’m hoping that she will actually be okay. Maybe she can be the organized one who I can actually communicate with. So she is coming to my house, and bringing Franny’s sister (there, I said it) with her, and we are going to have a chat, because I can’t delegate a damn thing to Frannie’s father. Wish me luck.