Step Away From the Haterade
There’s a lot of ground to cover, and I’m going to try to be as brief as possible. I wanted to jump right into to woo! panels, and woo! cool people I met, but I really feel the need to address something first. And I know I can’t change anyone’s mind.
I was doing some googling around yesterday, and I found some writers who seem to have ingested a large serving of Haterade. I have seen BlogHer referred to as an “A/B-list club” that excludes anyone who can’t afford it. There were mentions of the “cool” bloggers leaving a wake of z-list sycophants. I’m not even going to bother to link those people. First of all, YALL JUST JELUS.
Okay, now that I have the intellectual aspect of my argument out of the way for the sake of my continued credibility, let me give my impression. Yes, BlogHer is exclusive in that if you don’t live in California and you can’t afford the airfare, it will be difficult for you to get there. There were volunteerism opportunities for free admission. Before I decided on a hotel room, there were bloggers offering me free space to crash on their sofas. I understand that not all of these options would work out for everyone.
Second, when I was there I was not following Heather Champ around sucking cool fumes off her. I talked to a lot of people, and everyone was friendly to me. Some people knew my blog, or had heard of it, and lots of people had no idea who I was. The exchange was the same either way–“Hey, nice to meet you. What do you write about? Been to any good panels? Where do you live?” I felt like it was more of an equalizer than poking technorati and seeing that blogger X has 7 million incoming links, while blogger Y has 17. We were all more approachable standing around smiling at each other. People in the pictures look like they’re having fun, not because they want the rest of the excluded bloggers to think they’re having fun. It’s because they’re ACTUALLY HAVING FUN.
In the end, I was glad I went. It stimulated a lot of thought for me, about what we’re all doing as bloggers and why. I met some people I never would have met otherwise, and I got to know a couple of people better. It felt good to get out of the basement. I think lepers are most comfortable in the leper colony, don’t you?
Don’t hate. Join us. And if you can’t, then get out of your house to a local meetup, if you want. I like hiding in the basement sometimes, too. I guess it’s your right to sit behind your screen and call us a bunch of idiotic cheerleaders, but that just makes you sound like a bitter weeping vagina. Okay, I know you’re not really jealous; you’re just not into our kind of fun, I guess.
Now I know how dumb I looked in high school when I was sitting in the stands throwing mustard packets at the cheerleaders. YOU SOUND DUMB. I just thought you should know.
Ooh! It seems I’ve missed out on some snarkitude out in the wilds.
I had a great time at Blogher, and found absolutely everyone approachable and friendly. My biggest barrier was only my own shyness, and the moments when I felt isolated were always because I was skulking around feeling isolated — AND NOT TALKING TO ANYONE. Funny how that works.
I loved seeing all the different kinds of women bloggers that were there … INCLUDING YOU! Awesome to reconnect.
Yes! Hi Ariel. I’ve been meaning to drop in on you too!
OH MY GOD I FUCKING LOVE YOUS.
Hear hear!
And I second Ariel’s comment, when I was feeling shy, it’s because I was acting shy. When I sacked up, I actually had some great experiences.
Here from Sweetney. I can’t agree with you more.
Hello. It’s a party – everyone floats around – says hello – we don’t wear our hits on our sleeve (and thank god for that).
Or maybe some of us who were observers were honestly sharing our impressions based on what many of you chose to share from the BlogHer event? Take a step back. If you were new to the concept,and only had the pictures and ass kissing paens to go on, would it have attracted you? Or might you also have been somewhat sceptical?
To be fair, I do think City Mama did a great job sharing what happened in the Mommy Blogging discussion. I’m not sure I would have ponied up the airfare just to attend that session, but it might have been worth it. I remain firmly unconvinced about the rest.
Great post and great title, SJ!
Thank you for your participation in the Identity and Obligation session. You are one of the people that helped elevate the greatness of BlogHer for me.
Best,
Maria
Here from Sweetney too, and I am so glad you wrote that. Sweetney made us 2nd gen mommybloggers feel righteous, but I don’t see the division as an A/B list thing, just some of us came later to the blogging world.
I wish I had met you – you obviously have some brains in your head. Amen to that sistah.
A/B/Z list doesn’t really have anything to do with how long ago one began blogging (or true popularity/value for that matter since every online clique and sub-group crowns their own “A” list’ers). I’ve known bloggers from the pre-blog early 90’s who used to be considered “it”… some even called them online journal “Gods” (lots of worship and sycophantism back then). Today no one even knows their name. They’re dead n’ gone, like da Do Do. Take it from an online Coelacanth; online culture has a long history dotted with lots of fantastical extinct beasties. No need to take any of it too seriously. The fun begins when you learn to step aside from the whole cycle and repeatedly watch things crawl out of the primordial ooze, evolve and die out.
So y’know, BlogHer sounds like a fine idea (got nothing bad to say about any form of blog meet – there are zillions of them, some better than others) but SJ I’m not sure about this whole regretting the days when you threw mustard packets at cheerleaders. You were right to do so… Gad don’t tell us now that you only did it because you secretly wished you *were* one. That would be disappointing.
Hey SJ. Thanks for having some lunch with me on day two. I had no idea what I was getting into going to Blogher and you helped me feel cozy and comfy…. before running off for a cigarette!
Hi Rachel,
“Gad don’t tell us now that you only did it because you secretly wished you *were* one. That would be disappointing.”
Nah, I wanted to be a football player, because they were *sleeping with* the cheerleaders.
Ahem.
Hi Jess! It was nice chatting with you, too.
I didn’t meet you but I saw you, a lot. Your hair is the same color as my daughter’s – well sometimes hers is that color, sometimes it is green and other times pink and green spotted but right now it’s oddly blonde with some black streaks. Umm where was I?
Oh yea, I didn’t meet you but I saw you and I liked what you had to say in the panels I attended where you spoke out.
I had fun. I didn’t feel left out. I was a cheerleader and not ’cause I wanted to date cheerleaders. Being one gives you an in… just for reference in your next life. Heh.
I’m naming my band “Bitter Weeping Vagina.”
Just so you know.
Thanks for saying this. I wasn’t even able to be there this year, and all the criticism was getting on my nerves.
Why, oh WHY didn’t I make it over to meet you. I did, however, stare at your hair for a long time. Out of jealousy. Once, a while ago, I died it that color and didn’t look nearly as cute.
Your titles? THE. BEST. Love them.
Now I’m really kicking myself for having not introduced myself to you when I introduced myself to Badger.
Anyway.
I’ve been both the thrower of the mustard packet and the target of the mustard packet, and I never really gave a shit as long as I was having fun. Love this post and will make it a point to meet you in Chicago next year.
Hi new people! Make yourselves at home. See you next year.
“bitter weeping vagina”
Ha! Great response to the haterade.
“Nah, I wanted to be a football player, because they were *sleeping with* the cheerleaders.”
Excellent. That’s much better.
Can I just say I’m jelus because 1) I didn’t write this 2) I didn’t get to meet you there.
Awesome assessment, awesome title (and subtitle – double whammy). I’m tired of people whining about who they didn’t connect with instead of gushing about those they did.
I wasn’t able to go, and I was jealous. No doubt! But jealous in an “awwww man you guys are goin to have fun and I’m not. NO FAIR!” Not in an “I didn’t want to hang out with those fake biotches anyway!” Cause really, how see through is that!
Here from HBM, good post!
Wait, HBM? Human Brain Mapping?
I just found your blog (I was at BlogHer) and am so glad I did. The things you write of just make sense. Thank you!
I had a great time at BlogHer, but I totally missed you somehow. I wish the name tags had bigger font for the Blog names. I felt like I was squinting at boobs trying to read blog titles and was probably mistaken for boob ogling. If I had known you were there I would have bought you a drink or asked you to autograph a cocktail napkin or something. I L.O.V.E. your blog chica.
HBM = Her Bad Mother (http://badladies.blogspot.com/) – with hands-down best baby pics (said in a very non-stalkerish way, of course! :-) )
PS – here from Sweetney too.
Excellent post and WELL SAID!
I had a blast at BlogHer and I’m no A-lister. I met tons of cool people (that means people I thought were cool…NOT necessarily A-listers) and I wrote a post about all of it that oozes cheerleader goo. I’m sure someone somewhere is ripping it to shreds because it says nice things about everyone I met…BECAUSE I LIKED THEM! I understand being shy or intimidated. I felt like that a lot myself but I never let it stop me from enjoying the experience. As Liz (Mom-101) noted, why whine about who you didn’t meet? Be glad about who you did hook up with.
I had a fantastic time talking to a whole range of people. Yes, one “A-lister”, whatever that even means, wanted to talk to me and I kind of flipped inwardly, but then I went back to my table of super rad bloggy friends and we toasted newfound goodness. People who didn’t have fun should have let loose. In, you know, whatever way you feel is appropriate ;)
I think everyone needs to go watch the 80s ending movie or maybe the end of “PC University”.
Anyway, we seriously need girl gangs. With cool embroidered jackets and jumping-in. I have long contemplated the heraldry and titles for the badass mamas coffee club. It would help. Then instead of all this patriarchal a-list taxonomy we would have gangs, like sensible people do.
I’d like to address your first point about it being difficult for people to attend if they don’t live near the conference location (next year, Chicago). I urge everyone who is interested in going but isn’t sure they can afford it to keep their eyes open for contests and ticket giveaways. Many sites had them this year, including Mommybloggers, Minti, and my personal favorite, Red Stapler. To paraphrase the Michigan Lottery, “someone has to win, why not you?”
Totally kick ass post. Very well written. I had a hell of a good time and never once asked anyone their technorati ranking or traffic levels because…WHO CARES??!! A list? B list? Z list? Bullshit!
I am going to have to beat badger for not introducing us. I would have loved to have met you and talked.