Real-Life Testimonials ™ will be an ongoing series for our readers. They are intended to elucidate, inspire, and educate.

“Well, I had a normal childhood, I suppose. I was surrounded by people who were exactly like me, and that’s probably a good thing. There’s less arguments, that way. Once I got to junior high there were one or two Jews or Muslins or something, but no one paid much mind to them. They seemed pretty satisfied to be by themselves. I suppose we hoped they would find Jesus’s love by the grace of how good-looking and happy we were, you know, from the outside looking in. Who wouldn’t want to be like us?

“College was fine. I was an average student, and stayed on the path the Bible tells us to. I avoided other temptations, such as college parties or inappropriate necking. Then my cousin introduced me to my husband, and we had a normal Christian courtship. We got married at the end of my sophomore year and I decided I just didn’t need any more college after that. Plus, Adam, my oldest, was coming along.

“I set up a good house right away, like my mother showed me. I kept track of everything in my household binder, you know, coupons, recipes, our schedules, and personal goals like hours spent in prayer or prayerful thought each week.

“I was okay for a while. I mean, I hardly had time to comb my hair, but I was okay. Things didn’t really fall apart for me until a few years into my marriage.”

Can you tell us about a typical day in your household at this time?

“Oh, sure. I would get up, oh, five in the morning, and make sure the children were all set for the day. Double-check Timothy Senior’s lunch. Maybe do some laundry. Then I would go in and check on Timothy Junior. He’s the next to youngest boy. He’s got these problems with his legs and they need straightening out three or four times a night. At least they used to. Due to prayer and a lot of hard meditation on the subject, I was able to throw off the shackles of my alarm clock. Then I could awaken every two hours to rearrange Tim-Tim’s poor little legs. People die all the time of undiagnosed blood clots, and I vowed never to let that happen to my Tim-Tim.

“Around seven or so the children got up, and began their extensive list of chores. The big ones have a ‘buddy’ that they help to get ready for inspection. We need to make sure we have a fire lit most mornings, because Timothy Senior, or Daddy as we called him in those days, doesn’t like to run the heat much. I would make a big pot of oatmeal or sweet rice if we couldn’t get oats. The oldest girl would reconstitute the big vat of milk for the day.

“And then we would all run through our schedules in our binders. We were homeschooling then, so it was pretty much study math, read some passages, break for lunch, do some more studying. The children I didn’t need for dinner preparation would practice music while we cooked for Daddy.

“Weekends were devoted to prayer and sewing–repairs, mostly, but at certain times a year you tackle whites or make new dresses for the girls. Sometimes on a Saturday night we would watch a selection from the Jerry Falwell Movie Collection, or put on Veggie Tales for the kids. We moved nonstop, which is good because you don’t want to have too much time for thinking.”

When did you have your epiphany?

“I guess it was ten or eleven years into my marriage. My oldest child was nine, and the youngest, Fay-Fay, was only four months old. She was a screamer then! I hardly had time to think, let alone pray.

“But I found a little time, one afternoon when she was miraculously asleep. I had just given her a tiny little bit of Daddy’s medicinal whisky that he kept around in those days, because she was teething hard. I guess her being asleep wasn’t so miraculous after all. (laughs)

“I was about to just drop dead from all the work and tedium. I couldn’t keep up with my household binder. I had kids coming out of my goshdarn ears. Daddy seemed happy with everything being the same all the time.

“I was in my bedroom, under our big picture of Jesus that hangs next to the bed, and trying to fold some laundry. I came down onto my knees to pray. I said, “God, can you guide me and tell me what to do? I am at my wit’s end here. I barely have time for all my children and to raise them up right. And when Daddy comes home, I have to fight to keep my eyelids propped open just so I can spend time with him. How can I find strength in the face of all this?”

“I held my eyes closed tight and waited for an answer or a sign or something. And you know what? There was nothing but silence. It was like picking up the phone and discovering that all you have is a receiver and a frayed old wire.”

What did you do?

“I waited a little while longer, there, in a prayerful position. And then it happened. I heard a voice. It was the television! One of my kids, probably Levi, had turned it on in the other room. My first thought was to get the yardstick because I knew he was going to wake up the baby, but then I listened more closely. The voice said to me, “WHY COOK TONIGHT WHEN YOU COULD PICK UP THE PHONE AND HAVE HOT, CHEESY PIZZA AT YOUR DOOR IN THIRTY MINUTES OR LESS?” And I said, “YEA, I am saved!” I picked up the phone immediately and experienced the pleasure of not cooking for the first time in about eleven years. Except when I was having my babies. But I would hardly call that a night off.

How did things go after that?

“Pretty well! (laughs) I picked up the phone and made a lot of calls after that. One was to the public school. I was relieved to hear that they had room for the kids. I think it was a hard transition for them at first, because they were used to frequent breaks for reading passages and testifying, and witnessing for each other. Now they do that sometimes during recess, I hear. But mostly I think they just play.

“Tim-Tim was a little behind at first. That poor kid! He was my little sleepyhead. He could never stay awake for his lessons. I think he’s doing better now, even though he spends a lot of time in the nurse’s office napping. Between you and me, I think he’s a bit of a hypochondriac.”

You look different than the pictures of you in the “old days.”

“Oh, yes, modest dress and all that. I could wrap my braid around my head three times like some sort of turban. Oh, the headaches! I could have burned those acres of calico I used to wear. Deuteronomy says “The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman’s garment: for all that do so are abominations unto the LORD thy God.” But you know, I could barely get around in that stuff. At one point I think I forgot I had legs. Look at me. I am thirty-three years old. I have seven children. I need Auburn Mist on my roots and a good support bra, not a dress I could hardly move in.

“I don’t know if it was the tiredness or what, but for a while I was convinced that the older boys were trying to see if they could catch my dresses on things or in doors. You can’t do that to a woman wearing jeans! But these are modest jeans, I believe. I work part time now, and I could never do that in the old sacks I used to wear.”

What did Timothy Senior say about your conversion?

“At first he was resistant. He said, “Yea, Woman, have you losteth your mind?” But then I think he was a little happier with the changes. Sometimes during the day I would sleep during the baby’s nap. Or if the bathroom floor didn’t get scrubbed on a Tuesday–oh well! He reaped the rewards of that, believe me. And I threw out that cheesecaking binder. That orderly-home business was a millstone around my neck.

“I still believe in God and all that, but now I have other beliefs. I used to think beer just made people sleepy, because that’s what it did to Timothy Senior when he’d have the occasional one. Now I believe it’s just the thing after a long week!

“I have friends now, from work, and not just friends who live on the nearest farms and cast a critical eye on my clothing and my housekeeping because they are bored out of their little minds like I was. They come here and we kick all of our children out into the backyard and we drink beers while they throw rocks at the geese in the duck pond! And we laugh! Never has my house been filled with such laughter. I think God can hear us laughing, me and my friends, and I think it’s okay.”