Annika stood at the bus stop where they agreed to meet, tapping both of her feet, which she could never resist doing when she was wearing clicky shoes. She tried to avoid the puddles, but a little water had seeped into her heels anyway. They were probably not a very good choice for a day which involved public transit and some walking. But she was not ready to meet him in anything practical yet.

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Real-Life Testimonials ™ will be an ongoing series for our readers. They are intended to elucidate, inspire, and educate.

“Well, I had a normal childhood, I suppose. I was surrounded by people who were exactly like me, and that’s probably a good thing. There’s less arguments, that way. Once I got to junior high there were one or two Jews or Muslins or something, but no one paid much mind to them. They seemed pretty satisfied to be by themselves. I suppose we hoped they would find Jesus’s love by the grace of how good-looking and happy we were, you know, from the outside looking in. Who wouldn’t want to be like us?

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As you know, you just dropped me off at the airport. And I’m sorry, but I need to tell you something, and I know you will check my blog because you know I go on sneaky bloggy autopilot sometimes when I go out of town. I’m sorry I copped out on this. I suspect I was hemming and hawing as I got out of the car, too chickenshit to say anything.

Listen, I love you. I think you’re hot. Hottt, even. You’re the tits, Baby. You’re the Hottt Tits, so don’t forget that. You my babydaddy. But you have to understand that I am going to California this weekend, which contains the highest concentration of sexy people on the face of this planet, with the exception of Brazil. (Aside to the bosses of Blogher: next year, we meet in Brazil.)

People I Will Sex Up If I Run Into Them When I Am in California, You Have Been Warned, and Don’t Worry, Because I Will Post Pictures.

(In no particular order, really.)

Alan Rickman, circa “Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves”

Figure Mrrow: Could that scenery BE more delicious? No, it could not.
Steve Almond
Chet Baker, pre-Italian mafia-teeth-knockout
Angelina Jolie, lactating or not
The Duff Sister Who Looks Less Like a Horse
The Duff Sister Who Looks More Like a Horse

Britney Spears’s Manny
Gyllenhaal Sandwich (again, lactating or not)
Hott Blogging Librarian Ski Team (I think maybe I just dreamed about this? I can’t google it up.)
Tim Robbins
Tom Robbins
Anthony Robbins

Baskin-Robbins
BUT NOT Robin Williams. Rest assured.

See you Monday, Sweetie! I’ll bring you back an STD a hat with a lobster sewn onto it.

Hey Girl! i thought U would want 2 see pictures of the off da hook Spring Break Trip! You look totally hot! i thought tennessee wuz going to be a bad idea, but i wuz sure wrong! lol!

im sorry ive been a bad friend and haven�t written! Spring quarter has been hell on earth..Spanish is totally up all over my grill, in a bad way. The only thing that makes it OK is that Brad and i have stopped fighting so much…but mostly becuz he has been hittin the bong so hard, lol. Here’s a pic of Brad the night we did rock-a-roke, remember that? I swear to god he’s gained about 20 pds. since Xmas!!! Which is OK with me, actually, becuz between that and all the weed he’s laid off me about trying to do you-know-what to me. (so no calling him “corncob” behind his back any more! LOL!!!!111) Just as long as he looses weight for the graduation trip we’re all taking!!!! Woo! Miami!!! :D

Speaking of graduation, i talked to my dad on the phone last night. he wuz in a pissy mood becuz mom is trying to get both cars. He said “she can only drive one car at a time, i don’t know why she wants them both” again and again…such a drag, i think he wuz drunk as always. Anyway, you know what we talked about during our trip? i finally got up the guts to ask him for the graduation present. So on May 5 th��ELECTROLISIS! omg, I am so freaked that it’s going to hurt. im going to ask if U can come with and hold my hand, LOL!!! DON’T tell Amanda tho, becuz she�s a naturally perfect bitch and will tell every one.

Anyway, gotta run, i am suppose to be studying with the stupid bitches in my class in 15 mins….assigned study groups, wtf? LOL!

C-Ya,

Ashley

M.R.:

I’m out for two weeks. No more mundanity. (Shut up, it’s a word now.) No more self-righteous backfatty-girl hating. I will become one of those backfat-baring girls. I will buy the shamefully low capris! I will collect all my strappy sandals and I will loll around the beach topless. ITALY!

Raoul, my valet, is coming to pick me up at six tomorrow. I will have three white Russians on the plane and then I will sleep until we touch down in Rome.

Go to the beginning of Jack Sugar, Hotel Dectective

The McHughs lived out in the suburbs, so I thought I

Go to the beginning of Jack Sugar, Hotel Dectective

Tabby

To the beginning of Jack Sugar, Hotel Detective.

Raymond had turned up the night clerk by the time Marta and I went back down to the lobby, and promised that he was on his way.