I was reading a book on baby care and advice because a publisher has asked me to do book reviews. I got too tired so I slammed the book and clicked off my lamp. This is usually the cue for Companion to do the same.
He turned towards me in the dark.
“I remember worrying I was going to do everything wrong the first time I spawned, and this book is totally bringing it back,” I said.
“I was worried before Strudel, too,” he said. “Like when she first came out I used to worry about her diaper. It would hang all funny. Now I just slap it on in three seconds.”
“This book is saying that you need a Diaper Genie,” I said.
“Yeah?”
“I realized that the first time I used one was a couple of weeks ago at Wonder Woman’s house. I asked her where I could change Strudel, and she told me to go into the office. She has a changing table too!” I said. We ghetto, so we change our kids on the floor. I think it’s a product of being poor with the first spawnlet and having a minuscule house. I had one of those cheap vinyl-covered foam pads for the explosive-butt phase. I even bought mine used, but it still had the wrapper on it.
“Wow,” he said.
“I know! And I looked at that thing, and I realized I didn’t even know how to use it. I pushed the diaper down into its maw and I hoped for the best.”
“I think it’s okay that we just put them in the kitchen trash,” Companion said.
“Me too. Except for the poos, right?”
“Mmm-hmm.”
“Don’t you hate it when they’re little pills and they roll away….”
“…And you have to pick them up with your hands?”
“Well, I use a wipe,” I said. “But the temptation is always there. They look like clay. Maybe someday you’ll come home and I’ll be nuts and playing with the poo balls. Making poo birds.”
“If I come home and you are making poo birds, then I hope you will enjoy your new home in the backyard,” he said.
“You would kick me out if I made poo birds?”
“Mmm-hmm,” he said.
Well. I guess it’s important to have these relationship talks, so you know where you stand.
In Other News: Almost Asleep
“Can you make me sound more smarter in your blog?”
“More smarter? I’ll try.”
Once when I was teaching toddlers someone got the bright idea to make brown playdough, and the kids were all playing with it and and eating it and dropping it on the floor and etc. when we realized that one kid had had a diaper explosion incident of the hard poo variety, and the results were also rolling around on the floor.
That was the last time anyone made brown playdough.
This was too funny for me. We have a changing table…but it’s now in the garage, I just lay him on the loveseat and change him there or I do it on the floor. I like the changing table, but it’s a waste of space. My mother-in-law is gonna buy it from me and use it somewhere in her house instead. HAHA, Whatever floats her boat! It’s a nice one though. Poo birds-YUMMY! *blech!*
I think companion should make guest blog appearances here like .. once a month or so. You know… layer the flavors like Bobby Flay.
He really should! That’d be fun! We can discuss poop!