Are you Still Dizzy?

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So it’s hot here, and what do those irritating people I want to punch say?

AH YES, “hot, for a given value of hot.” Go ahead, kick me in the nuts. So we’re having a little hot snap (ninety-five), and then my tomatoes will go back to being the Marvin the Robots of the tomato world. Too late for the dill; those ladies have stuck their heads in the oven already.

Anyway, I think I’m going to the mall today to escape the heat. I can’t take Naked Feral Dwarf to a movie, I’m not really in the mood to bother anyone else, so I am off to engage in some fulfilling air-conditioned capitalism.

I saw “Hairy Pooper and the Order of the Peens” yesterday. I liked it. I am a sucker. Plus, it was free and there was popcorn at ten AM and that’s pretty good, yeah? Whippet took me because she got free tickets from her bank, which is this marble-coated and be-palmed establishment where they let you park for free in their lot for eight hours so you can shop, just because you’re a member.

As we were driving over, Mr. Whippet was cursing all the rich people in Bellevue. He was cursing Bellevue in general, because we had to drive over there to see this free movie. Man, where else are you going to get a passel of people who can see a movie like that on a weekday morning? I ask you.

I like Hellvue. It’s got it’s own thing going on. Obviously, they’ve branded themselves and people know what they’re going to get. The public schools are probably pretty decent there, with a minimum of lead sprouting out of the drinking fountains, if I had to guess. In conclusion, (spoiler) you may be surprised to learn that Harry thwarted adult authority to save the damn world again.

What’s really getting up my butt right now is that I have so much stuff I want to be doing as far as writing and drawing, and I can only grab about two hours tops a day to do it, and those two hours are not usually continuous. It feels like going crazy I think. My fuse is short. I got words to put down. My neurons are firing like a CD in a microwave, and I am doing dishes and cleaning up puddles of pee. The conundrum of having kids. Companion said last night that “we have other options” which means that I can put her in daycare or something, but then I would have to march off to forty hours a week, plus unlimited kid needs outside of work, and then I don’t think I would be writing shit.

You know what’s really suffering right now? My house. Which I don’t really care about, because I keep the piles of broken glass in check, but I swear…I can hear the crumbs under the kitchen table conspiring against me. “We can take her, boys!”

I want more. More time. At least five hours a day in a room with a giant carton of cigarettes, a red bull spigot, and Hester Prynne. What you get is scatteredness and knee bruises from slipping in urine. GLAMOROUS.

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UPFUCKINGDATE! 2:30 PM!

And now, after the jump, the results of my PMS-induced shopping. This harks back to the Gottschalk’s Ye Olde Toob Toppe Incident.

Speaking of, I am totally sad that they took the ghetto store out of the mall. Where am I going to get sunglasses like right myah now? Help! Need bling, will travel.


File me under “U” for Unappropriate!

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Ten years ago, I never would have bought this dress with out buying an accompanying $100 of foundation garments, and then I would have put a wrap over it anyhow. Well F that N, bitches. I will buy some of those nipple stickers, though, so the pepperoni doesn’t get too rowdy. I have never owned a dress that ties up in the back! EEEE!

PS, Peaches, where have you been all my life?

Peaches Pro: Fuck the Pain Away.
Peaches Con: Clever two-year-old can now sing “fuck the pain away” in the same monotone. Whups. It’s a good thing my entire family hates me, or else that might get awkward.

Capitalism: +1
SJ: +4,000
Good Taste: No thank you.
Good Momming: Um….have you heard that Peaches song yet? Ah ha ha.
My early 20’s: boring
Now: Pretty Grood!

One more…no one told me about Fur-bid. I hate you all. Except for you. Gimmie some sugar!

36 thoughts on “Are you Still Dizzy?”

  1. I can relate. I think so far working from home is the hardest option. Goodbye free time, hello newborn levels of exhaustion!

    Is the sparkle a purse strap? If so, show pictures!

  3. I was wondering the same thing and thinking purse strap…hoodie you say? That might be quite snazzy! I feel your pain with the daycare bs. It’s such a pain in the butt when you have kids to feel like you can actually live unless your spouse makes a frillion dollars a month and isn’t on your ass about trying to find a job. We have 3 kids, I’m a stay at home mom. 2 of the 3 aren’t in school yet…which means daycare cost out the ass…which in turns means I’d need to make a ton of money JUST to put them into daycare which I don’t want to do anyhow. My grandma said she’d watch them a couple times a week but I know she loves her time alone…I just dunno what the hell to do anymore.

  6. I know it’s not quite the same, but still… I think I vaguely remember the Metro (U-District) doing an early show for moms, or at least they did a couple years ago. Nothing on their website, but that doesn’t mean much. Give a call and ask a manager.

  7. i’m very jealous of your squishee. we’ve been hanging out in the daylight basement nursery. it’s not too bad when the other option is the oven upstairs. thankfully, today is way better.

    i don’t have any concentrated writing time either, though i also don’t have any kind of deadlines. AND it’s too hot to knit. cruel, cruel universe.

  10. My eyes throb! So many inappropriate comments, so little plausible deniability. Companion is a lucky man.

    As you might guess, I sympathize on the heat. My fellow library nerds here in VA all laaaaaugh at me when I complained about the heat last month, telling me to watch out for the humidity, rising temps, etc. Boo! If those fuckers came to the PNW and didn’t see the sun for half a year and lived through it, they’d know from tough.

  11. that dress is awesome! and now i want to pull out my peaches album to be cool like you, but i would be in a lot of trouble if avery could sing it… ;)

  12. Don’t be cool like me. My days of dirty music during the day are over. Fortch, she’s a big parrot right now and stuff falls out as soon as it goes in.

  13. I love G-love almost as much as I love that dress. Imagine if you’d been wearing THAT when you visited me in the land of crusty racist barflies and timid little jock boys!

  14. I am in week 3 of dealing with my spawn 24/7 in someone else’s house. I feel your pain. And this is supposed to be a vacation. I want to go back to work, but I don’t get to until September!

  16. 1) Fuck the heat! Damn. I’m sorry it hit you all. I spent Sunday sitting on ice, fretting over whether or not my cooch was gonna get frost bite. Then I stuck more ice down my shirt and cried as it melted in like ten minutes.

    2) I forgot what my second point was.

    3) I have done custom furry art for money in the past and, as I am currently strapped for cash, am torn between doing it again and just stabbing myself in the neck with sharpened spoons.

    4) My mom cussed like a sailor with Tourette’s when I was a kid, yet somehow none of her offspring picked up on it because cussing was bad, something big people did, not kids. I didn’t say my first cusses until I was in college. College, people! I have since taught my adorable, slightly prim, fiance to call other drivers cockholsters. Life is good.

  22. I ran away from our hot hot heat, back to Missour-uh for the weekend, their not is hotter than our hot. If you’re picking up what I’m laying down. At least my folks have the conditioned air. Once I get caught up here at work, I’ll put the whole story on my blogness.

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