1. Strudel went to her open house at her new school, which is of course her sister’s old and current school. She did great. She was very, very Peace the Spork Out, Mom (to quote Trent) and merrily be-puzzled and played with the farm set and ooohed at the fish. Somehow I got myself first on the list to take Beloved Classroom Hamster in case the state says they can’t keep it.

The state also has an issue with the fact the school has no playground equipment. They have a beautiful park across the street with ACTUAL CLIMBING TREES and grass and stuff, which leads to imagination games, etc, and this does not meet the state’s criteria because there is no plastic crap for the kids to meet the state’s checklist of what kids must do on playgrounds. It sounds like the state wants their school to be like all the other schools because the philosophy doesn’t fit into a box. It’s not like we’re talking piles of broken glass here.

One of my bosses wants to meet with me on her first first real day at school, and the extremely selfish part of me is going NOOOOO! because I’m pretty sure that on your youngest child’s first day of school you are supposed to be face down in an opium den, chokin on your vomit, whilst receiving a camouflage ass massage. IT’S IN THE FLIPPIN HANDBOOK. AH NO MAH RIGHTS.

2. Speaking of school, I forgot to tell you that when I saw SeaFed on Saturday, you know, when I did that Harry Potter Conspiracy jam? we talked about school a bit and he was very “school starts next week BWAH?” and I was like, “R U getting the mailingz? The mailingz, let me show you them?” He should have seen it; I even had Impact 726 pt. scrollin’ across my boobs, but no. He said, “Verily I hath such maylings, but ye townnes donkey-ledde postule carte hath been travethes slowlee af late.” And I was all, “WHUT? DO NOT WANT.”

It’s like we’re speaking a different language or something! EL-OH-EL!

APPLE JUICE BREAK

3. So, today, for a happy flippin’ Friday, one of my friends invited me to make farm rounds with her. She gets to drive to farms as part of her job. So I will take some pictures of hott uncensored sheep and shit, because you know how we roll up in the Rancho Asshole.

4. Also, now that it is Ye Olde New Autumn, I am enjoying Murchie‘s autumn chai with a splash of cream. Yum YUM YUM! I am not usually a slave to the oppressive Seasonal Beverage Regime (well, okay, I don’t drink eggnog in June), but this is working out so well. It’s like they planned it that way, or something.

5. I am up at BlogHer today, writing a post about Hello Kitty. If you read only one hyperbole-laden, LIFE-CHANGING/AFFIRMING writing by I, Asshole this year, for the Love of Oprah’s Left Titty please make it this one.

6. Finally, I am going to deal with my shoe/skirt quiz later today and reveal what all the nonsense was about.

So later…the results of the quiz, and what it means for your commute! Next on Fuuuchs!