Yesterday my present was a child who decided to, not once, but twice knock over the water in the new hen pen. This wouldn’t be a huge deal when they were smaller and in a pen with a paper towel bottom, but now they frolick in the wood chippery. By sundown I realized they were in soggy town, and I thought that could only breed trouble. So last night they were incarcerated in their ten-gallon aquarium of babyhood, and I couldn’t get Fat Guy In a Little Coat out of my head. Sure enough, by morning two had jailbroked.
ALSO. I now have one chicken whose comb is going all red. I’ve got rooster, which starts with an “r” which rhymes with “f” for FUCK I CAN’T KEEP THIS THING. Lucky for me I have a friend with a farm connection, so it’s farewell, my cochin. I am afraid of going into the summer with only two hens, because lose one more and it’s single psycho chicken syndrome. More chicks it is. How about I don’t hit the ten percent sexing failure rate this time?
They are happy in their wardrobe box condo, with deluxe windows for peepery.
Last Monday I was walking around in Ballard and meeting a friend for breakfast when I walked by a giant condomomium with a fridge party outside. I was talking to a friend about our society and this urge we often have to steal anything that’s not nailed down. Is that a by product of capitalism or is that just human nature? Anyway, I thought, OH YES, I could get one of those fridges into my trunk. I would like a freezer chest for real, though. I think being raised in the midwest made me think that was part of being an adult.
You get your meats and you put it in your ice box. NOM. Also popsicles.
Saturday night I was in the grocery store getting stuffs for brunch yesterday, and I saw this woman who looked young, decently dressed, and totally normal, except for the fact that she had a dog wearing clothes in the BABY seat of the shopping cart.
Why is thinking that your dog belongs in a grocery store baby seat not considered mental illness in this town? I was talking with my friend about this yesterday, and he mentioned the proliferation of “please don’t bring your dog in here” or “service dogs only” signs on restaurants and cafes. It makes me CRAZY that people have to be told not to bring their pet into a restaurant. I am going to start asking about store’s dog policies and see if I can encourage them to be clearer about it. You want dogs in your grocery store? Fine, I will shop elsewhere. QFC has taken a vocal no-dogs stance, and as much as I hate that place, at least they own up to it.
You want to have some company when you go out? Call a HUMAN, idiot. Blonde Maltese girl, I would much rather see you on your cel phone than having your stanky pantsless “life prosthesis” (as my friend says) rubbing its butthole all over the babyseat and shedding in the cart I may be using. UGH. I really hate the dog culture in this town. If you say something in a park about a leashless dog rampaging through the playground you get your head torn off. GROW UP and take some responsibility, and please don’t assume that because your dog is “great with kids” I want your unknown beast near me.
OKAY?
As the owner of a huge, slobbery, jackass black lab, I am appalled at the permissiveness allowed smaller, but no less asshole-ish, dogs. I wouldn’t DREAM of subjecting anyone with my pet, but am constantly bombarded with hairless pieces of shit yap yap yapping or trying to hump my leg in Target. WTF. And if you say something to the owners? Oh dear Lord how dare you. So I got your back with this one. My kids get the “this is not my mom” face when they see a situation in a store developing because, seriously, do I have to slap a bitch?
I has crazy jackass pugs. I hate them, okay hate is kind of strong, but that kind of crazy belongs at HOME people, not in PUBLIC. The other one that kills me is the lady that carries her dog around in the snuggli, that poor dog has a “please kill me now” look on his face. I would really just like to kill his owner.
Can I GET an AMEN?!?!?
Your best work yet Ms. Asshole. Rat-on-string dogs make me hostile in general. Rat-on-string dogs that get carried around and displayed as though they were baby human beings make me despair my species.
Dogs in pubs are pretty common here, but they don’t bother me because for the most part the owners are still aware that they are, you know, dogs. They sit under the table and have their little bowl of water or whatever and everybody’s happy. It’s the whole “he is my child” treatment that gets me going. Did you…change his diapers? Feel excited when he learned to read? Are you saving up in case he goes to college? Do you hope he might take care of you in your old age? Then he is not your child, he is your DOG. And it is fine to have pets, just like it’s fine to have kids, but it’s important to know that not everyone finds them adorable, and it’s important that you continue to behave as the adult functioning member of society in charge of the smaller being.
HUR dog college.
Oh yeah, everyone’s jackass dog is “good with kids,” but unfortunately my kids aren’t good with dogs, especially not dogs who are twice as big as my kids.
I *hate* that line; the damn owners have no bleeding idea if their dogs are good with MY kids or not, especially if one of them decides to poke at the dog’s eye.
:)
I like dogs. A lot. I miss not having a dog. However, I hate when people bring their dogs into public places like public transit, grocery stores, restaurants, home improvement stores, the bank, etc. I hate having to pass unknown dogs who chained up directly in front of a door. Sorry, I don’t know if your dog is about to BITE ME or not and is walking into Walgreens really worth the risk of a dog bite? I don’t like listening to a small dog yap and bark and yip as it lunges at people in the bank, while I’m trying to do my business. I don’t like checking out at a Home Depot while a yorkie in a blue coat with faux fur collar growls menacingly at me from the baby seat of a shopping cart. I absolutely do not think it’s appropriate to have dogs loafing around in restaurants and tea/coffee shops.
Your dog is great with humans, despite its barking/growling/drooling? Fine. But are humans great with your dog? I’m allergic to cats and dogs, and I have friends with dog phobias. Unless you have a service animal there is NO REASON to take your dog into the bank/store/restaurant/whatever with you. It’s selfish and unthinking.
There are businesses around where I work that have special “dog cooling stations” and “dog friendly” signs and big bowls of doggie treats to give your special little guy. I don’t shop at those places because I don’t want dog snot and slobber on my pants, or dog hair, or to run the risk of being bitten by some dog when I spaz out and move too jerkily and startle the critter.
Lordy, Bossy did this whole chick thing, complete with the cardboard box Chick Condo that kept growing as Bossy taped on various other boxes and then separated the eating area from the sleeping area, eventually building the chicks a second guest bathroom.
When I moved to Seattle I was amazed by all the dogs in public places.
I understand how you might not want to leave them locked in an apartment all the time. But if you live in a little apartment, don’t you think it would be more prudent to get a fucking cat? Or maybe like, a hamster? Something that doesn’t require that it accompanies you everywhere you go. Ridiculous.
Dog people are crazy, I say.
funny :-) that’s exactly how i feel about kids.
Take it to childfree hardcore, species traitor.