LOL I’m Poor

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In my inbox today:

Hey SJ,

My name is X and I am a Production Associate from The Tyra Banks Show. I
am currently looking for families who have been struggling financially
because of the country’s economic crisis. I see you have to cut back on a
lot of costs in order for you and your family to go from day to day.
Would you mind telling me a little about it in hopes of you and your family
appearing on our very special Christmas/Holiday episode?

Thanks,

X
———-

The Tyra Banks Show
Production Associate

33 thoughts on “LOL I’m Poor”

  2. Thinking about it! I like Very Special Things, as long as they aren’t Very Special Scabies.

  5. Hur.

    “Here, sit in this windowless warehouse for six months. Surprise, free rickets!”

    “SweetOOWWW my pelvis!”

  7. You totally need to make up some bullshit about how you make clothes out of recycled bread bags and stuff. Oh, and showcase your thriftshop tray thing you made. Also the velvet art. “I like to have bee-yewt-ti-ful art in my home, so I shop in junk stores. Look at mah finds!”

  8. Shit, dude, if you *don’t* do it I’m gonna’ dress up like you and claim to BE you and get all the free stuffs. (D’you s’pose they’re also lookin’ for poor Canadians? No? Aw, crap.) (No, seriously, I’ll TOTALLY PRETEND TO BE YOU! IDENTITY THEFT!)

  9. HUR. I know, I have to take a shot. The PA and I have emailed back and forth several times with additional questions. I am hoping he is not a deranged stalker.

  10. Ha, What kind of questions did he ask? Do you prefer rope or duct tape? Do you have an adverse reaction to chloroform?

  11. Now that you mention it, yess…

    I kid. It was more about what my situation is and how awesome it is to be sliding further into debt every month as I make it to stage two of interviews and no further.

  13. You NEED to go on that show and ask Tyra why she keeps unbuttoning her damn pants and talking about her immense spare tire of stomach flabbiness when she could just BUY SOME FUCKING PANTS THAT FUCKING FIT ALREADY. Then punch her in the face. Ok. Maybe skip the punching in the face thing. But seriously. Her pants routine bugs the hell out of me. I make $9 an hour, am fat and pregnant, and still manage to obtain pants that fit. I’m reasonably certain that she makes more than I do and can probably afford new pants.

  14. Hmm, obviously I need to watch this show. I almost saw it once, but I was in a restaurant with someone with a universal remote thingie and she turned it off!

  16. OK, this doesn’t relate to this post at all, but I don’t think I can comment on your sidebar. .

    Sam says cellaphone too! Always has. I wonder whassup with that? I’m going to have to give him F’s excuse. :)

  17. Be careful, TyTy’s taken former guests to court for gag-orders after they’ve had shitty and damaging experiences on her show/during her “make overs.” And I second K-Dawg. Crying and unabashed worship/gratefulness will help you make it out alive.

  20. WOW. TEE VEE. You will be on the TEE VEE.

    I would trust the TB show less than a stalker. That infertility thing is so effed up.

    But still, if you get paid. And free stuff. I agree it is special and you would be a great guest. You MUST parlay this into some kind of cooking segment. Cooking With SJ! You can totally turn ‘assmitten’ into the new ‘yumo’ and then get a contract with Dunkin’ Donuts.

    FAME IS A BIG YES!!!

  22. obviously I won’t forget youse. Plus, I am probably putting a nail in the coffin by even blogging about this, hur.

  23. Oh Lord, in reponse to What Ladders comment, my Dad used to have these velvet paintings in the basement of these nekkid women in crouching poses that somewhat covered all the lady bits downstairs but not the top ones. I hated going into the basement, it always felt like they were watching me, and I swear their eyes followed me, or maybe it was the nipples that were keeping track.

  24. Too bad it’s not Oprah. You could smilingly nod as she talks about her childhood poverty and then get an OMG-FREE-CAARRRRRR! :D

    Oh well. If you get on the show I bet she’d say “Child, you got CHICKENS?” and do the little head swivel thing before you get your obligatory free stuffs and/or resume makeover.

    Because that fixes EVERYTHING ;)

    Good luck regardless, hon <3 I really hope you get on network TV, just for the experience.

  26. Holey moley, your comment-taters have got me rofl-ing to-day.

    I don’t think I have anything to add except if you’re smarter than the PA, they probably won’t book you. You know what I mean?

    That would be, like, scary to them. They couldn’t be sure they could control you. And I’m pretty sure you’re way smarter than X because if s/he were smart, s/he’d a read your blog and know that the expression “very speshul” would get very ‘specially assasinated by your readers. Not that I don’t wish you good luck with this endeavor!! Far from it. Go get ’em. No matter what you’ve got a good story about it so far.

  27. Yeah, Krumpy. This is how I knew you were okay. You read my ravings and still wanted to work with me.

  30. Violet, maybe iasshole can give you one of her chickens and you can rename it Nipples. Only take one that will follow you around though. Or take two chickens and call then Nipples collectively and then you can say that your Nipples are never pointing in the same direction. Whatcha think?

  31. I was trying to think how I’d explain the sudden appearance of a couple of chickens named ‘Nipple’ to my family and then realized that none of them would be remotely surprised.

    In other words, YES! GREAT IDEA!

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