Confidential to the 1 million sorority girls who attend the University of Washington:

1. When ALL of you dump on all of that stinky ho juice you insist on wearing, and you all gather together in a big gaggle to titter at passers-by, you collectively smell like a WHOREHOUSE.

2. You know those cutey lil sweaters that are so in fashion right now, that usually come to mid-thigh and tie at the waist like something out of Klute? Well, when you wear them over toob tops and mini skirts that barely cover your labia, you look STOOPID. And when you close the sweaters, because it’s too fucking cold to be wearing ho clothes in the autumn, you look NAKED.

3. What is with the hair, anyway? You all have the same hairdo right now- it’s all sort of flipped up around your head, like you got permanently caught in some kind of wind tunnel. I would say it also looks stoopid, but it would be redundant because if you’re styling your hair to look like you got caught in bad weather, I think your hairdo speaks for itself.

I could go on, about asymmetrically-sleeved shirts, and artificially faded jeans, and the fact that you CAN’T! BUY! PUNK! CLOTHES! AT! THE! FUCKING! MALL! but I think I’ve said enough.

Back to our regularly scheduled program…