In Which I Learn Nothing, Really

Stupid decisions abound during school break. It’s like I turn my brain off all together. After convocation on Friday night, I stayed at the pub so long I missed the last bus to my house. No problem, right? I would just walk home from the University District, to Crown Hill. (Mistake #1)

I got a gyros sandwich on the way and some baklava for later, which I stuck in my purse. (Mistake #2)

After I had walked about two miles, I decided it was time for baklava. I was so lit I also decided that it was time to run, which I had been doing for about a half a mile in flat, non-supportive shoes. I took the baklava out and started to eat it, and kept running and eating baklava until I got a stomachache.

But man, it was good baklava. I took the left over, honey-encrusted wrapper and put it in my purse, because I did not want to be a litterbug. The next morning everything in my purse was totally covered with honey dots.

After about four miles of walking, running, and eating, I gave up and flagged a cab, and enjoyed the cheepness of a six-dollar cab ride. Woo hoo! The real price, however, was having blisters in really odd places.

The later it got, the madder I got, because I realized that almost every house in Seattle looks the same: cute. Even the rundown ones. I am tired of cute.

More Dumb

Now I have recovered from Friday night, so I decided to start drinking again.

Last night I picked up some of those repellant Mint n Creme Oreos, ostensibly to “cure” my PMS. I was also drinking some pretty decent red wine with dinner which added to my problem.

Mr. Husband scooted downstairs to put the girlie in bed and I was left alone with the whole box of Oreos and a very loud Roy Orbison concert on PBS.

I got totally sick of them after about six, and decided all I wanted was the chalky black disks. I started peeling all the creme off and making it into a ball inside the package.

After denuding the entire package and making a large stack of the disks, I couldn’t resist: I picked up the entire creme ball and blended the green and white creme colors together. Urgh, it felt so good, squishing it through my hands, I can’t even tell you. And then I had a better idea….

When Mr. Husband came back upstairs I was wearing a mermaid bra of mint creme goo and singing “Blue Bayou” very loudly along with the TV. Let’s see Lil Kim top that!

“My God, I can’t even leave you alone for five minutes,” Mr. Husband said. After seven years of marriage, he no longer finds my “antics” amusing.


Don’t EVER do this to yourself. I still smell vaguely of vegetable oil and worse things, after two showers.

I was just finishing this up and Mr. Husband was picking up in the living room: “Here’s your minty nipple, honey.”

Oh, good, I was wondering where that went.

9 thoughts on “In Which I Learn Nothing, Really

  1. I’m with Svarit. What can you say, really? It’s inspiring and disturbing and hilarious and frightening all at the same time.

    Perfect, isn’t it?

  2. Next time, you could the “fuzzy pumper” playdoh barbershop thing with the spaghetti attachment to make a matching minty creme merkin.

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