The first week in the cushy uni job is going well. If you want to know how my second day was, you may read the comments of my previous entry. Hint: it involves nakedness.

I am on a power trip, as usual, because I just found out about the undergraduate writing tutors that I get to supervise and what that entails. I get to put together a syllabus, and I get to demand work from them so they can get credit. And I get to make them do Useful Things when they have nothing else to do.

“Hmm…” I will say. “Why don’t you diagram some sentences from a book I will choose off this shelf, totally at random. Here, Remembrances of Things Past, Volume 7. Go!”

I should not be in charge of people, ever, really. When I was a coffee jerk and got promoted to supervisor, I think I always had way too much fun making the new hires mop.

In the next couple of weeks I have to finish my human subjects application to do research, speak at a couple of orientations, go to four thousand meetings, prepare for the new library students’ mixer, and not lose my mind. Now that I have reached this level of schooling, my life is all about spraying people with information, and then running away again before they can spray me with too much information.

What I would like to be doing in the next couple weeks is to drink gin and Sprite and watch old episodes of “Hooperman.” There should also be oral sex and sambuca involved, also some Jay-Z. Although I am going to a crazy crunkfest on Saturday night, so we’ll see what happens.

A bright spot: my improved health insurance has kicked in, and now I can go get some sexy new evil information scientist glasses, and then all will love and fear me.