More horror! Does it ever end? I feel like my life has been one long chain of auspiciousness lately.
My holely problems have come to a climax. Does anyone remember this terrifying zit of doom? Well, I must TMI you and tell you that it never went away. It got to the point that I was checking out different kinds of acne and backne on the Goog to see what was wrong with me. Did you know that there is a special name for ASS ZITS? I can’t remember it right now, though.
Anyway, so this hole in my back just kept filling up, and I would try to ignore it, thinking that I had just been irritating it. Finally a few nights ago, I had had enough.
I peeled back the remnants of a scab that was still on it. I couldn’t believe that a year later it was still sore. I could see something it there, and I am an optimist, so I thought, “Maybe this will be the end this time.”
I tried to pop it, and the white part would rise to the surface, but it wouldn’t come out.
“That’s it,” I said. “It’s time for some minor home surgery.” I took my tweezers, unsterilized, and went at it. I would pull the white part halfway out and it would sink back into its hole, like some kind of horrible bog. It reminded me of those childbirth videos where the baby’s head is sliding in and out and you want to just gouge out your eyes to make it all go away.
Finally, I got a good grip on whatever it was and gave it a righteous yank. It came out and was the size of a small ball bearing. The hole was evident, but did not bleed. I could see to the bottom of it where it looked kind of…black.
It reminded me of a wart I pulled out of my hand when I was 16. Ever since I have pulled it out I have had no problems or pain, and the hole is healing nicely.
Cripes, who gets a wart on their back?
The End.
Update! 3:58 p.m.
I should also add that as a youth, I got immense pleasure out of pulling my sister’s teeth. All signs lead to me needing to start smoking again regularly, so I can have something else to do with my handses.
you know, in the old days they would have tried you for witchcraft over a creepy insistent backwartzit like that.
glad you finally conquered the beast! :)
I know, I have no idea why I felt the need to be so gross today. :p
I’m so glad to hear that it’s healing – YAY for at-home surgery.
Are you sure it wasn’t a subaceous cyst? Same sorta thing as a bulbous zit but it’s in a little pocket so it keeps being zitty off and on until the whole pocket is removed, surgically.
Or with unsterlilized tweezers.
Nice work.
Damn, remind me never to ask you to help me get a splinter out. *shudder*
Seriously, you think maybe it was a spore of some kind? Some backflesh-eating bacteria ball? Killer bee larva, perhaps?
Ugh. And now it’s dinner time. Nice talk.
Dude, next time, go see the doctor already! I have several cyst scars and they are always associated with staph – (I love the part where they give me the fisheye and accuse me of being a fucking junkie, puh-leeze) – and lately, staph has been getting worse, and can be more dangerous, as in drug resistant. MMkay?
Thanks, Mike. :)
The sad thing is that I have good insurance.
Whoa, I
Bleah. Brings back gory memories of Supadlicious’ splinter home surgery unit: mad cackling, sewing needles, and tweezers (both usually unsterilized). Ahhh, memories…
Hey, none of my patients ever got Staph, and I certainly sterilized my instruments to the height of my ability!! (Fire, or rubbing alcohol, or both – BOOM!) Anyway, I still use those fine techniques on my kids today!!!
Love love to you, T!
You are brave, my friend. I dare not come near my body with sharp objects. I’m way too wimpy. But there is this thing that isn’t a zit but turns into a bump and I had one of those. I also say go to the doctor. You have to get it cut out or it just comes back…I still have flashbacks just of that–how do you manage this home birth and then home surgery? I hope you never need a bypass or anything.
But if it comes back, then I will never run out of patients.
Dude, if you go to the doctor, your chances of getting Staph get a lot higher. I say keep doing it at home!!! Besides, doctors are just glorified drug pushers anyway, so they’ll give you some random prescription, and charge you one meelion dollars!! Word to the at-home-surgeons of the world!!!
We may be taking our admirable DIY philosophy a touch too far by performing home surgery on ourselves, but it does make a fine story. :D
(runs to get a couple of cold compresses– one for me, one for you)
lovely moving story that!
My msn mate told me recently how she gouged out a mole (yes i said mole) that had been annoying her on her neck. She took a semi clean fillet knife to it. And is wondering whether she should keep said mole in a neckless around her neck or something.
AND she ran out of plasters as it bled quite abit so used gauze and some electrical tape.
Army Cadets has a lot to answer for me thinks.
Just thought id make you feel like your not alone in your freakish willingness to perform home surgery on pokey out skin complaints.
;-)
Dude, I hate moles…if ONLY I could reach the few that have dared to sprout on my back.
(grabs SJ’s hands) No no noooo!
Oh, here. I’ll do it. Hold still. :)