Madlib text by Mopie. Fill-ins by, Me, Mondo Beyondo.

One day, on the bridge of the sticky ship known as the Enterprise, Captain Picard was startled by the sudden appearance of a klepto aboard his ship. ‘Assmitten!‘ shouted Picard sarcastically as the klepto began gyrating. Britney Spears, the ship’s first officer, decided to attempt to neutralize it with jizz, but her plan failed. Picard then asked the android, Abe Vigoda, who suggested that they beam it to my crotch, biotch. Picard tried to do that, but the transporter began to glow a perverted shade of chartreuse and didn’t work at all. In desperation, Picard called on his chief engineer, SJ, who stated jauntily that they should find a shuttlecock which would transform the klepto into a polar bear. This worked, and Picard became very pointy and started to burninate, and they all lived sarcastically ever after.