HOKAY so we went out of town with a voucher that I was kind of talked into and only marginally excited about, from the Place Where Sensible Thought Goes To Die, the school auction. Sure, I love swimming? And waterparks? And spending money to stay in resorts? Dear God. WHAT.

So we went for a midweek overnight to an indoor water park here. And you know, it felt great. The first night at least. It was nice to get out of town, and not to be trapped in the car with the girls for as long as it takes to go to Portland. However, what was ostensibly supposed to be a quick 90-minute jaunt somehow stretched to two-plus hours.

There was a little melodrama on the way down with Strudel (I have no idea where she gets THAT from) where she thought she was going to barf. I was worried because Frannie had the barfs earlier that week, like for real twelve times in one day barfing stomach virus keeping her out of school thingie, and I thought surely Strudel was next. We decided to press on instead of turning back. If it was a false alarm, why lose the trip? If it was not, then I figured I could sit in the hotel room with her and watch the Comedy Channel. It was a false alarm, hooray.

Day one was pretty splendid. It was WARM in the waterpark and getting colder outdoors all the time due to the impending arrival of snow.

And here it is, this morning.

Then I realized that everything I needed was right there in one ridiculously large building, and it was like what I hear about cruises–overpriced, meh food, trapped in one place. Then bedtime came. Foolishly, I decided to have some dessert fondue before bed and snapped awake at four, indigested and queasy. I snuck over to the living room area and quietly turned a light on to read my magazine for a bit and just generally be upright.

Strudel woke up shortly after me and though I got sleepy again, she could not go back to sleep. She was WIRED! She was EXCITED! She has a LOT OF TROUBLE USING AN INDOOR VOICE! Basically she could not accept that we needed about three more hours of sleep. At home if she cannot sleep, she jabbers away to herself in her room, but there was no escape in the hotel. Finally, after drifting in and out of sleep for hours, we dragged ourselves out of bed.

That morning, things started to get to me a little. I didn’t go to bed super late, but everything felt surreal, as it does when you are sleep-deprived. There was an animatronic “storytime” nightly in the lobby that Franny declared “creepy,” which is an example of a trait I love about her. It featured a byootyful Indian Princess named “Yellowfeather” and some talking trees. I seem to recall something similar happened to me once in high school, but it did not take place in a resort.

The show kicked on again in the morning as I was getting a latte and it was much worse, somehow, with no audience. Sometimes stuffed robotic raccoons (double ugh) would come to life in the corridors and begin to sing. Every surface, including the trash can rims (covered with molded-plastic cute woodland creatures), was perfectly in theme and embellished, reminding me of staying at a Disney resort years ago, where even the light switches had mouse heads on them.

I popped into a wizard-themed shop and spoke to a man with a goatee wearing a metallic-gold cape. “Is this where you can buy wolf ears?” I asked him. No, he replied, that was at a “kids camp” here.

“I used to wear them,” he offered. “But They made me stop. Sadface.”

The waterpark rules sign read, in bolded letters, “DO NOT POOP OR PEE IN THE POOL.” It was nice to be warm, and I finally got to wear my rowr rowr 60s style teal halter suit (+15 to vanity and moxie) but I was happy to get home.

IN OTHER NEWS

I am still cooking (shocker, I know). Now that my list of recipes are winding down, I have picked up more hours at work! Hooray! I am almost a useful and productive human being again.

Last night I made three ounces of candied peel from oranges, lemon, and a citron.

It’s going into this gorgeous mincemeat, which contains real meat.

We’ve been hanging out all week, since Strudel is off. SeaFed came at me with charts and graphs of why he should have Franny all week (congrats, you win the crazy-off THIS TIME, SeaFed) so she is gone and dour about it as usual.

I took Strudel to the library and when she came home she made a “book puzzle.”

I hope the snow melts a bit. There is a goose downtown with my name on it for tomorrow, and I don’t know if I can get down there!! Happy Fangsgiving, I’ll be back with pictures, triumphs, and FAILURE.