Applying for jobs…trying to figure out what collection development tools are so I can convince the employers that I know what they are. Conundrum: should I be applying to jobs like this? Doesn’t every job have a learning curve anyhow? Isn’t it all about convincing people you are a bright little eager beaver?
The problem is, I know very little. I know how to find out how to do things. I have to trick people that I know how to do things, and that they should give me a job, so I can get a job and learn how to do it, quickly, when no one�s looking.
Real resume:
*Can project voice to back of auditorium (since 4/92)
*Can clean up cat/baby vomit without vomiting myself (6/03)
*Remembers to check “to” field before forwarding snarky/evil email to snarky/evil friends (last week)
*Kick-ass blow jobs smoothie recipe (3/99)
*Knows how to use semicolons
*No longer pours entire can of Diet Coke into copier vent in anger (8/98)
*Can hold own liquor (1/01)
*Withering looks (puberty)
The upshot is that I have a kick-ass (I think) academic librarian application put together now. Someone better give me a job, before I’m sick all over the place…but not from cleaning up cat vomit.
It’s too bad that sexual performance isn’t useful on a “regular” resume. I keep suggesting things to my boy that could be used on my resume (he teaches Business and Technical Writing), and he keeps shooting me, err, down. Hey, I think it’s a good idea…
The important thing to remember is – the resume is just to get you the interview. And interviewers just hire people they find likable. You’ll get something soon! Hang in there! Best of luck!
Eh, you’ll do fine. I got where I am today by lying about my skills. Course, I’ve an appendectomy to perform at 12 and I can’t put it off any longer… this could get messy.
That was nice. Thank you for sharing this one.