Strudel has been talking constantly since I picked her up from school an hour and fifteen minutes ago. That one really has the gift of gab, as they say. She talks until the air is full and my brain is empty even if I say, “I’d like to enjoy this book I am reading” or “I need to concentrate on writing right now.” For a while I would put a pink glitter skull (Martha Stewart for Target ftw) on the table to signal that I was writing and then she would come by and loudly say, “OH I SEE YOU’RE WRITING THERE.” I think she’s probably all set to be a grandpa.

I had her in the car with me because I had to pick Franny up to drop her off at Japan! Camp! which is a practice sleepover at one of the participating middle schools. She was feeling very negative about going because she just started her period. I feel that. Starting my period makes me negative about everything. It’s a SeaFed Friday but I emailed him and offered to drop her off, since it would be kind of silly for him to come out to where school is just to drop her off for an overnight. He can pick her up tomorrow, I figure. He and I are being barely nice to each other, and I am trying to do things I can be generous about and not feel bitter about. This was a small thing. Plus, I had all of her sleepover stuff, like sleeping bag, etc.

Franny wore one of my old thymey flannels to school today because we are watching My So-Called Life together and she is amazed by the flannel and the sheer 90’sness of it all. It is very 90’s. I didn’t see it until I was a so-called adult because when it was airing I was out being busy. I think I am pretty close to exactly Angela Chase’s age. What is Angela Chase doing now? I’m sure she didn’t inherit her parents’ crappy printing business. Like that survived the internet age. I think she has turned into her mother.

I am trying to show her things about high school in hopes that she will feel better about the whole thing. I don’t think she feels bad, per se. I think she’s just nervous. She cried the other night because she was worried. She’s been admitted to a pretty non-standard high school, but I think she’s pretty non-standard (SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE ALERT).

“If I don’t like it, can I go somewhere else?” she asked.

“We’ll talk about it,” I said. “If it’s really bad for you I will certainly consider other options. But remember, you don’t know what a “normal” high school is like either.”

We waited for it to be 4:30 in the car outside of the middle school. Franny whipped out some lipgloss I got her for her birthday.

“LOOK AT THIS SHIT,” she said. I looked, I could see the bottom of the tin. “I found this in my STEPMOTHER’S DRAWER. SHE STOLE IT. And used most of it.”

Franny has a habit of shouting emphatically and dramatically. I DON’T KNOW WHERE SHE GETS THAT FROM. She reminds me of a drama student but she does not have a drama gaylord squad yet like I was part of.

“Maybe you should talk to her and tell her you don’t want her to keep your stuff.”

“She’ll just lie about it and say one of her kids put it in her drawer.”

“Hmm, okay,” I said.

Sometimes it’s just important to vent, I know.

What is happening now: something new. I’m experimenting with my diet. I figure if I spent a couple of weeks not being able to walk well or far due to inflammation, that warrants some experimentation. Plus I felt like absolute crap after the round of Prenisone and my brain fog was worse than usual. I could barely think of focus at work. I started reading about diets for Candida and brain fog, and so forth, and kind of decided on the spot one day that I would eat differently all day long.

I’ve cut out grains, dairy, booze, caffeine, and most sugar for now. I had already gone off my 3+ cup of coffee a day habit when I got sick in February. Maybe it’s easier to say what I am eating: meat, eggs, veg, fruit, and nuts. It’s not too different than I normally eat–I try to eat a lot of “whole foods” anyway. I’m only about a week into it and I feel great. I don’t really want to be one of those assholes who can never eat anything anywhere at any time but I feel so much better already. My guts aren’t puffy and I don’t have bags under my eyes, and my brain fog is lifting. I can recall names quickly and the precise points of conversations I had. Also, my face (rosacea) is much less inflamed. After the month’s up I will add things back one at a time and see what disagrees with me. I am guessing the turd in the pool is going to be gluten, but we’ll see.

Here’s the crazy/best part. For the past five years, dating way back to when I had that nightmare IUD in, I had a headache every single morning, no matter what I did. It lasted for about an hour after I got up and I would chug water to try to put it into remission. If it was really bad I would take a painkiller. This would happen if I drank booze the night before, or if I hadn’t for several days; if I ate before bed or had not eaten for many hours; if I was getting enough sleep or was short, and so on. I tried everything: changing my sleep schedule, getting massages before bed, waking up in the middle of the night and drinking water. Often the headache would wake me up before morning, at 3 a.m. or so.

I really thought I was just getting old and busted. Well, I am, but I think I don’t need to feel terrible. I cannot tell you what a gift it’s been for my mental state to wake up five days in a row well-rested and without a headache. I already feel like a new person. Someone asked me if I was doing a cleanse, which implies something temporary, and I thought about it. I don’t want to feel this good on the temporary, you know what I mean?

7 thoughts on “My SurfBOOWARDT

  1. SJ,

    All the pain and trouble you’ve been going through is so terrible, I’m glad you’re finally finding something that makes you feel good. As for headaches, oh man. I had a headache every day, sometimes all day for as far back as I can remember. To the point where I didn’t even take anything for them, what was the point. They finally started getting so bad that by 2 or 3pm I would have a crashing, migraine-level headache. Sure did make me grumpy. I kind of wonder how I stayed married I was so bitchy and mean. It is amazing the level of pain we can put up with when it comes long and slow.

    I finally had a bunch of other medical issues that made me decide to get some help. I cut gluten and bam! headaches gone, along with my “seasonal allergies” that lasted all year. As much as being gluten free is annoying (just wait for the many, many emails and discussions from friends about your latest “fad” diet!) nothing beats not having a headache every day.

    Good luck with your food journey, if it is gluten, there’s a lot of better tasting options out there than 6 years ago. Although I prefer to just make fresh food without gluten.

  2. SJ – I’m very glad you’re feeling better at last. I’m into anti-inflammatory foods too, and I’m sure you’ve done your research, so I just want to put green tea on your radar for when you may be introducing caffeine again. Don’t know if you like it, but I think it does something for me.

    Thanks for all the good words – J

  3. I only eat grains when I am going out for sushi or getting popcorn at the movies. I feel so much better without them as a regular part of my diet that I usually don’t talk about it because people think its weird, esp my vegan friends. Almost a year without grains and my skin is clearer, my nails stronger and I get colds less often…

  4. Karri: I am already feeling like the pain in the ass person. This isn’t too foreign, though, because I had the girls cut gluten from around 6-10, when they were getting stomach aches every day. I suspect 3/4 of my house would do well to stop eating it, but I can’t force it. I have been very, very grumpy and tired as well. I am pretty fucking cheerful right now, at least. I’m sorry you were struggling with this for so long. This is a great place geographically to avoid almost any food, really.

    Jenertia: I have been drinking a little green tea here and there. It’s nice to go through a whole day without needing to be propped up, though. I think that’s only possible because of dietary changes. I didn’t have the energy to make it through the day.

    Suenos: YAY! Do you think you had the dreaded LEAKY GUT (dun dun dunnnn)? I wonder about that for myself.

  5. I recently switched docs because my old one didn’t listen to me at all (I KNOW BETTER THAN EVERYONE), and my new doc immediately jumped on the inflammation/”leaky gut” (although she didn’t actually use the term. But I knew what she meant. I’ve read the interwebs!) train. Which… on the one hand, I don’t know that Science agrees that is A Thing. And I like Science. On the other hand, what I’m currently doing sure as hell isn’t working for me, so eh, all about the leaky gut train it is?

  6. The Whole 30 was really the healthiest I’ve ever eaten and I FELT great … but it’s a pain in the ass when you go out. Or want a beer.

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