1. What up gangstas? I need to tell you, long story short, that I did not actually post on Edward Champion‘s Oscarblog. Although he graciously left my name up and invited me to make commentary anyway, on other Oscar-related thingies that wouldn’t involve actually watching TV. He’s a swell fellow.

Instead of doing this, I was so wasted tired by Sunday night that we decided to lay on our couch-slash-bed and have delicious Taiwanese food, while watching Wedding Crashers. I suck, and a dumb and garlicky time was had by all.

2. I missed my grad-school BFF Halo‘s going-away party on Saturday night, which made me pretty sad. I sent my companion in my place, while I stayed home and guarded the sleeping Strudel, and he had a good time. Sometimes Halo and I talk about the first day of grad school, which is the day we met. It is also the day we both met my companion, because they lumped us into small discussion groups alphabetically.

On the first day, Halo and I were the earlynerds. If I remember correctly, we both had headphones glued to our heads. I was rocking the magenta hair then, and she was in a less-polished-more-punky phase, so we eyeballed each other and had the exact same thought: “This person could be cool, or could be bitchy.” It turns out we are both things, but were nice to each other.

For a while she was the bridge between me and my companion. When she wasn’t doing group work with me, she was working with him. I never saw him or had a class with him, but I heard about him and thought he sounded weird. It was because of her I started inviting him to parties and going out to the pub and lunch with the two of them, so I’m grateful for that. I think some people were convinced (Seattle Federline included) that my companion home-wrecked, but he was in another state doing summer fieldwork while I started planning my escape back in ’03. My companion was not Angelina Jolie to my Brad Pitt, although he does have nice lips.

So Halo is my last departing close grad school friend. I am going to visit her and other friends in May, but it won’t be the same as an impromptu trip to the mall and a delicious chain restaurant. SNIFF.

Here I am grinning like an idiot at our last LUSH run in Seattle. We totally tried on awesome marabou clips at the totally mall! ROXOR!

3. I am one step closer to boobie liberation, people. I have run out of my year prescription of my progesterone-only mini-pill, which is recommended for nursing mothers. Now I am back on the hard stuff–my old triphasic friend. Clear skin here I come! How I missed you.

The mini-pill and nursing kept me from getting pregnant, so MF hooray, but I was having that thing where I’d get PMS and break out and freak out and then (usually)…no actual bleeding. Then I’d feel normal a few days later and start over next month with the PMS again. A couple of times I took a pregnancy test just to be on the safe side. I can’t really complain about having only a couple of periods in the past couple of years, but it was like never being able to completely sneeze. A total ugh.

4. On Thursday a portal to hell opened up and I stepped inside for a minute. It was sticky and moist with a 40% chance of a rain of blood and I am still scarred.

Okay seriously, when Strudel woke up from her nap on Thursday, with no warning her tummy rumbled and she unloaded all over me. Of course I was cuddling her, because they’re just so freaking cuddly when they wake up. She probably hasn’t been sick like that for five or six months, so I guess we were due.

Dudes, I have to tell you, during her second wave, she vomited into my mouth a little. I was very impressed with myself, because I managed not to join the festivities. It was a toss up (ha ha) for a minute there, too, as I hovered by the kitchen sink.

Now you know, because I, Asshole, have told you: Children Will Vomit Into Your Damn Mouth. Sterilization is now easier, safer, and quicker than ever. I’m just saying.

I stripped her and wrapped her in a towel, and I stripped myself and changed into my pink fleece leopard robe that sometimes makes everything better, and saw that my companion was due home in about fifteen mintues, so I sat down to rock her until her came in. He took her while I showered and watched the half-digested noodles go down the drain. Then I took her in with me and cleaned her up. She had a fever all evening, and then was almost 100% the next morning. They’re amazing little animals.

After the jump is a picture I’m posting that will serve as a visual aid should my companion and I consider having one more child. I took this as a preventive measure.

A. Note sad face and unfetching double chin of misery.
B. “Whoa, where am I and why does my mouth taste like bad cheese?”
C. Cheesy cleavage. Sometimes it’s hard to have your sexy bits puked on, and then to have to consider having sex again.