Monday is drag-O MF cleaning day at Rancho Asshole, and sad panda, now there’s more Rancho to clean. I told myself I was coming down to the basement to responsibly do online banking while Strudel naps, but now I find myself down here venting.

This morning, while I was sweeping upstairs, tragedy occurred. Hurricane Strudel tore through my bedroom and attacked my bandito, which had not yet been hung up on the stupid MF picture rails. So now Raoul has unbecoming scratches on his thirty-four year old face and poncho. I have no idea how to go about repairing a velvet painting, so I am going to have to accept him as his is, with his new character.

I had a moment of extreme fury after she had done it and I saw the velvet bits under her fingernails. I put her in her crib, quickly, and ran downstairs to call Companion and tell him how sad I was. I know it’s just a thing, and a super-ugly thing at that, but I have had it for almost ten years, and it’s one of my very favorite super-ugly things.

It was a real relief to talk to him. I feel so lucky to have people I can call up when I feel like I am going to eat my young. In the end, that is what will keep me from stripping off my clothes and running down the street screaming. YOU’LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, SUCKERS.

Before the attack, in happier times.