Dear Strudel,

This month you are thirteen months old. How far you’ve come in that time! Your walking has taken off since we’ve moved into this new house, because I understand hardwood floors are not comfortable to crawl on. Also, you’ve discovered that you can get to the communal trough I feed you, your sister, and the cat out of faster if you run for it.

Everyone knows that high chairs are just for looks, and corn tastes better off the floor, anyway.

You are also losing weight since you’ve been running around so much. Your inner thighs, once bulgy and doughy, now hang like little flaps. I can see them jiggle as you run away from me, diaperless, off to piss in your sister’s room again, the only carpeted room in the house, and therefore the hardest to clean. I just throw a towel down and no one notices among all the other stuff. Shh, it’s our little secret!

Another effect of the toddler slim-down is that your head now looks enormo. What a magnificent melon. You could play shuffleboard on that fivehead of yours. Ha ha, just kidding! This won’t be scarring at all, will it?

Speaking of your sister (66 months), there she is, waiting for me to turn around so she can pinch you or steal your food. LOL, just kidding, we’re all VERY HAPPY HERE.

Hey, what are you doing? QUIT CRYING OR NO ONE WILL CLICK ON MAMA’S BLOG ADS.

Well, that’s life over here. I would write about your favorite television characters, but I had to sell the TV for Natural Light to pay for my meds, and I would talk about the cute things you’re doing, but I only see you twice a day: once when I change the litter in your pen, and once during the afternoon when I teach you to do something useful, like fetch me a beer out of the fridge.

Eh.

Love,

Mama