1. At Dinner

“Franny, if you don’t finish your dinner we can’t go for a walk,” I said.

“This sauce is bad,” she replied.

“Eat up, because I’m afraid you’re going to grow old and die at the table.”

“Penis, penis, penis…I have PENISES coming out of my EYES!” she sang.

“Don’t change the subject,” I said.

“Penises,” she murmured softly to her salad. “Eyes.”

2. Sex Ed Pays Off

That Poor Woman and I were discussing Franny’s grasp of human reproduction.

“When I was pregnant, she knew where my stomach was, and where my uterus was. I think she knows more than some of my friends,” That Poor Woman said, as she nursed Franny’s sister.

“We were reading What’s the Big Secret? a lot when I was pregnant,” I said. “It marches you through the whole thing…gender differences, sexual reproduction, what happens during childbirth. She wanted to pull it out again when you were about to deliver.”

“At one point,” That Poor Woman said, “I was really tired and I said I was uncomfortable. Franny said, ‘I guess you shouldn’t have had sex then.”

“Ouch.” I laughed uncomfortably.

“Well, she’s right, you know,” she said.

3. Franny Has a Visitor

Last weekend, Franny had a friend spend the night. It was the first time she has hosted a sleepover at our new house.

“Okay, girls,” I said, as I was about to close the door. “Please wake me up if you’re having an emergency, like a bloody nose, or someone gets sick or hurt.”

“Okay,” they said.

“Goodnight.”

The next morning at six-fifty, ten minutes before Strudel wakes up, I heard a creeping on the stairs, and whispering. Uh-oh, I thought. The door popped open and I could see two little kindergartener heads peering in at Companion and I, who were trying to have a restful Sunday morning.

“Mom?” She and her friend peered in at us.

“What’s wrong?” Franny looked okay at first glance.

“I feel crappy,” she said.

“You feel crappy? You came up here to tell me you feel CRAPPY?”

“Yeah….”

“Go downstairs and have a glass of water.” And I will try not to hang you by your toes, I did not add. “I’ll be down in a little bit.”

I came down eventually, but first Franny and I had a little conference in the bathroom about what constitutes an emergency.

Eh. Privacy’s for suckers, am I right? AM I RIGHT?