Hey y’all. So instead of writing PNW’ed today, I nicked off to the wading pool with the girls and Franny’s interesting new friend, who says things like, “I can’t STAND to see a messy bed.” After I said, “You girls worked hard so you should have a snack,” she replied, “But YOU worked the hardest.” She’s EIGHT, y’all. I may be keeping that one.

But I did have time to sit on my can after the girls went to bed and found videos!

Inside Britney’s head

Suddenly I want challah bread

This girl is pwning the fuck out of this guy. Eat crotch fumes.

In OTHER news, my companion has made himself a mint julep, and drank half of it, and reached the “COME MERE AND GIVE ME SOME FNUGGLES” stage in FIFTEEN MINUTES, people. I think he had a rough week. He always calls himself a “light touch” but he means he is a lightweight.

Now he is singing Dire Straits. Don’t tell him I said so, but I think he’s DRUNK.

I am doing laundry. But you know what? I AM DOING IT JOYFULLY. I am a good hosewoof. Hooray, mismatched socks. A challenge.

In Other News

Also, a nice lad from Wales came to the door selling books to pay for his education (so he claimed). My sister began telling my companion the awesome story abut how she and my mom were visited by many lads in the summer with accents, “And you ALWAYS buy the BOOK!” she said. “Because of the ACCENT! But you never actually read the book. But you DON’T CARE.”

“Well, I think I will use these books,” I said. They are cool natural world encyclopedias. People are always all, “The Internets are going to make encyclopedias obsolete,” and I’m all, “BITCH, my kids are going to learn how to use books first, and won’t be allowed to use the Internets until they’re 30 anyways.” We’ve been looking for books like these.

I pried and found out that the guy works six days a week, and like twelve hour days.

“So you are not seeing the city at all,” I said, pryingly. “And you are not old enough to drink here?” He looked at me piteously, yet stoicly. “Call me and we will have you over for drinks. I am SERIOUS. This is a CRIME. Cost of admission is cool stories about places I’ve never been to.” He agreed. I hope he takes us up on it. Because I am BORED, people. My friends are gone. And I am glad for said friends, because they are doing what they should be doing, namely, being as far away from me as possible. But still. Bored. So bored I am entering writing contests. Yug.

And now, whiny. And hating myself for neing whiny.

ANNND, SCENE.

In Other, Other Other News From Brothers From Another Mothers

My sister’s birthday is tomorrow! YES PWNAGE. She is going to Canadia and exercise her legal right to drink responsibly there, now that she’s turning 19, which apparently is a rite of passage for all Northern-bestated youths. I wouldn’t know. When I was 19 I was already married and probably swallowing heroin balloons on my birthday.

I am taking her to breakfast tomorrow at one of my favorite grad school breakfast haunts, which should be dead because school’s out and we’re going early. Hooray!