Ooh ooh ooh, so much to do. How will I find time to fuck off? I will just have to start getting up earlier, I guess. We at the offices of I, Asshole present to you: “Much Ado About What To Do: One Woman’s Guide To Purposefully Accomplishing Nothing, and Then Complaining About It Later.”
Should: Clean house. Scrub sink, especially scrub sink. Should have been cleaning, but read Fast Food Nation instead. Is that stuff churning around in the sink an evolved version of E. coli that needs to be Comet-ed back whence it came?
Will: Stand in the bathroom for forty-five minutes, plucking eyebrows into perfect twin arches of evil. Will then leave bathroom and exclaim loudly to no one in particular, “Whatta dump!”
Should: Start paper that is due Thursday. Must go to uni library and photocopy relevant articles. Must convince Mr. Husband to stay home with Frannie while I get on the bus, go down and come back.
Will: Realize that total bus ride/waiting time will take longer than actual article-fetching time. Will become frustrated, then apathetic, then sleepy, then hungry. Will then forget about paper until Wednesday.
Should: Take a shower; shave damn legs. Attempt to fulfill marital duties with Mr. Husband.
Will: Fall asleep reading The Yellow Fever Plague in Philidelphia, 1793. Mr. Husband will fall asleep immediately after becoming horizontal. What is it about years of marriage that turns sex into a concept, instead of a priority? And what does it say when both people are so tired/content they don’t even miss it?
Am I starting to sound like Phyllis Diller?
Should: Make dinner. “That’s some nice lamb I bought today, and it’s been so long since I made that Indian dish or…cooked at all.”
Will: Wait until my blood sugar gets so low I start swinging at people. “Who wants teriyaki and beer? Quit looking at me like that.”
Should: Make kitty food.
Will: Write in blog.
In Other News
Did you know that both Wil Wheaton and Shannen Doherty did voices in The Secret of NIMH? They sound like little pipsqueaks, because they both were.
Good stuff: Fametracker.com. Now 100% Wil Wheaton free.
OMG – I think you are my long lost twin
replace The Yellow Fever Plague in Philidelphia, 1793 with Terry Pratchett though
Twin arches of evil – that’s so cool.
The Secret of NIMH was one of my favorite movies as a kid. At least, I remember watching it a lot–though that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.
Phyllis Diller? Please do not mention that Grade Z celebrity again. Unless, of course, you must reference Pia Zadora, in which case I understand.
To Ed I retort:
“If only I had never gotten that kidney transplant from a lifelong bedwetter. ”
—P.D.