Is unfit for human consumption.

I think my brain’s fairly untidy today, so just follow the bouncing ball as best you can.

Anyway, Strudel’s having a pretty good day. I wanted to show you the gangsign that she’s throwing to reprazent the fact that she’s two, but Vista’s being a little bitch and hiding my pictures that I downloaded today. Seriously, I cannot find them anywhere. And when I try to redownload from my camera, Vista says, “I already downloaded those, you big silly! Would you like to assimilate now or later? [Check box for “Do not remind me again, but merely come and kill me in my sleep.”] And then I went into the giant assy Windows Media Gallery thingie, where I discovered all the mongoose porn I had forgotten about, blown up to about half the size of my screen. What kind of system is it when it’s so hard to hide your porn? A bad one, I say!

I took Strudel over to Whippet’s house this morning and exposed her to chickenpox. Franny’s school is experiencing an epidemic. I figured for all that Strudel’s done for me, I could give something back. So we’ll be down and out in Poxport in 10-20 days, just in time for the school auction! Wow!

Meanwhile, I am having a Hott dalliance with my former beau Tyrone, who is now only one desk away under the firm yet caring hands of Companion. I have to see Tyrone today because Vista doesn’t give two poops about the MP3 player we bought last summer, and refuses to talk to it. But I LOVE Vista. And I am not saying that because of the way Hester Prynne watches me as I type, ha ha.

I saw my sister the other night, after she moved her stuffeths back out of here again.

“Dude, Strudel is so mean to you,” she said.

“I know,” I said. “She hits and kicks me almost every day. She’s feral.”

This is so funny to me, because my mom used to like to dramatically tell the story about the ONE TIME I hauled off and smacked her when I was two or three. One time. Ha! But she wasn’t around much then, so I imagine I was saving all my whacks for my Grandma. What’s up with whacking the person who takes care of you the most? That seems like a bad survival plan.

I also realized that when Franny was this age, my greatest danger was BOREDOM. As in, my brain might have melted out of my ears. Babyminding Frannie was a dull experience. I was so bored that between college and grad school, I wrote a book. It’s a bad book, but still, I had the time and space. Now I feel like my life is like a daily reenactment of Lazer Tag Academy: The Movie.

I’ll just be happy if Strudel grows up to have a positive attitude like Mr. T. This brought tears to my eyes the other day…and then I started my period. HAW!

“When you put down one mother, you puttin down mothers all over the world.”

In Other News

Did you know that Eddie Izzard is in a series now? I used to not pay attention to TV, because we don’t have one, but now that I have heard that’s it’s. um, possible to find TV on the Internet, it gives me hope that someday this will be a legal procedure, and then I will join in with everyone else in legality for all, amen. Anyway.

Things I am Feeding to my MP3 player today:

Horace Silver “Horace Silver Trio”–I love this rocknrolla motherfucker with his hooks and his three-minute songs. This was one of my gateway drugs.
Blue Mitchell Quintet “Down with It”
Alice Coltrane “The Impulse Story” which has my favorite parts of “Ptah the El Daoud” and “Journey to Satchidananda.”
And both Amy Winehouses, wooters.