Leather Elbows on a Tweed Coat

Posted on by

I have figured out the secret to all science fiction. Now during naptime I am watching I, Robot, and I am thinking that in the amazing year 2032, there will not be holographic police tape, because it will still be cheaper to tote around the real stuff and set that up. What if the holographic police tape breaks? What if Jensen forgot to being the batteries, as promised?

Also, today I’m wondering if it will be the day when the windows finally rattle out of their glazing, because of what they are doing at the construction site across the street. They are doing that thing where the masher comes down and vibrates asphalt into places. But oho, then we could get NEW windows, windows that would have a slightly better chance of keeping the cold out and the warm in come winter, than, say, a giant potholder weaved out of tampons. (Weaved. Wove? Woven? Don’t care.)

Speaking of things that vibrate, I was at lunch the other day when someone pulled out one of those little seizure bugs that people give to children for their amusement. Mothers pull those out and start cranking them up, which makes us think of other things that vibrate, which may, in turn, lead to more children. I’m on to you, Toy Industry, you fucks. I should have a hat made that says “Watchdog,” because that’s what I am. Perhaps I will include the word “wily” as a modifier. If you know what I mean.

Also, today I am wanting to know why ctl-alt-del exists in the same universe as Penny Arcade. Seriously, I was up thinking about this last night. Was this some kind of anti-trust agreement? “Okay, we have Penny Arcade, now we need an inferior knock-off so’s PA can’t dominate the market.” Because, sorry, not as good. Also, the guy who draws Penny Arcade is cute, so more points for their side. I am guessing that the guy who draws CAD is not as cute, but I am willing to be proven wrong. Because I say, the more cute in this world, the better. Someone bring me some cute!

I should also give you the wrap-up on Egg Battle Royale. BOY, did that day suck. By noon they had, of course, been in the fridge, so I had to bump them in the micro. And then after her nap, I made her some new eggs, because you know, I am not a monster. Those were rejected as well. Then she went to bed hungry and woke up and ate all day long. I went to the Zoo with a friend and her child, and it was the first time we had banged our kids together. Well, I might as well have left her home with the feedbag on, because she looked not so much like a toddler, but more like something else.

hmmer.jpg

I’m sure it will come to me in a minute.

Anyway, we had Egg Battle Royale again today, but it only lasted until 11 o’clock. Progress? Maybe a fluke.

I’m sure that I have fooled you and my PMS isn’t even showing. I am also sure that I didn’t eat almost an entire loaf of taleggio for breakfast.

Now look what you’ve done. All I wanted to do was watch my movie.

11 thoughts on “Leather Elbows on a Tweed Coat”

  2. Sigh. This really, really reminds me of the chapter in All of A Kind Family where Mama puts the soup out in front of the daughter for, like, a week because it’s 1912 and they’re immigrants and they can’t afford for the kids to be fussy eaters. So if she ain’t eating the soup, she ain’t eating. In the end, she eats soup.

    (AOAKF is sort of Little House on the Prarie for those of us whose ancestors came through Ellis Island and settled in New York. I was reading it aloud to my daughter and my mother-in-law chimed in, “My mom took me to that market.”)

  3. CARNY!!! Remember in that book when Mama hid ten pennies in the parlor and you knew you did a good job dusting if you found them all? Sigh. I hearted that book and read it, like, a gazillion times. Thanks for the mammories.

    Ohi SJ!! you rocketh also.

  4. The Egg Battle Royale reminded me of the Mommie Dearest steak scene. But by no means do I compare you to Joan Crawford! Pas du tout!

    In fact, I am completely sympathetic to putting your foot down and not creating 400 separate tiny meals. I live in Park Slope in Brooklyn and I cringe when I hear mom ask toddlers in strollers what they want to eat: “do you want cheddar, gruyere or fontina?” Are you kidding?? What kid knows what gruyere or fontina are? FFS.

    Kids just want good old ultra-pasteurized American cheese slices. It’s like that that Dave Chappelle bit. “What the f*ck is juice? I want grape DRINK! It’s purple!”

  5. Ah the days when mom’s asked “you want white cheese, or orange cheese?”
    I never understood picky eaters, I snarfled up whatever was put in front of me.. mostly still do.

  7. Um, yes. :D

    Did I sound like a big choad? I was being crafty and the glue fumes made me call in.

Comments are closed.