Don’t Make Me Get The Butt Out

My neighbor’s parked in my driveway right now. This is the neighbor who had the two-day bachelor party last summer, right below my bedroom window. We’ve been on friendly-ish terms since he apologized for keeping us up so late.

It’s kind of a weird driveway–it’s one of those where it used to be a real driveway, but now it’s only a driveway nub that reaches to the sidewalk. I park there when the street is full, and no one else does. You feel kind of afraid to park there–like you’ll get ticketed for blocking the sidewalk or something.

It’s a really little thing. But it kind of makes me want to go over there and pee on his doorstep, right in the middle of the day. And I’ve been drinking a lot of coffee today, too. I think my backache is making me TESTY.

I’m about to go out to lunch with a friend, and I’m sure that due to the people who don’t want to pay to park at the Zoo, I will have lost my street spot when I come back. I will knock on his door then. I can look out my window and see that the parking lot behind his apartment building is almost empty.

AH URBAN LIVING.

8 thoughts on “Don’t Make Me Get The Butt Out

  1. Thanks for the reminder. Mental note, do not move truck all weekend, or bring GPS and rollerskates with me. It’s gonna be a bad zoo weekend.

  2. Well, you’ll be at Folklife, anyway, hippie dancing at the drum circle with all the hacky-slackers. Right? Is this thing on?

  3. You could put a note on his car. However, notes on car have made me homicidal with rage and I’m not the rageful type so maybe you should add a candy bar or doughnut or something.

    DON’T PARK ON MY NUB, BUB!

  4. Oh, hey, about the Mexican language you posted on a few days ago. I totally forgot to write about this super cute guy I was dating about 10+ years ago. He was a blonde cutie — with two cute kids. His kids had a Spanish speakig nanny and he said, more than once, how happy he was that they were learning to speak Mexican. You said you always went for jerks, I always went for dumb guys. Luckily I saw through my hormonal need to procreate with this Adonis and went my own way. I wonder how his kids are doing though.

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