So, I am not going to plead my case here, because I don’t care about my case, or case studies, a Case of the Mondays, or whatever. Suffice it to say that my blood family was really small to begin with, and now through one way or another I have alienated all of them. I understand that when you’re the last person left alive in some instances, you have survivor’s guilt. I have something else. I can’t name it.
What do you do when you have no family left? Do you tell people you’re an orphan? I have my kids, and that’s good. I think I worry overmuch that they will flee like rats the second they can. Are there worse things than being alone? I’m sure there are…I’ve experienced some of those things.
Am I learning a lesson here? Have I learned my lesson? No, I have not. I’m not even sure what the lesson is. If I knew what the fuck was going on I would make it my mission in life to spread the word. All I know now is that I can look forward to years of holidays and special occasions where the only people who have my nose are younger than me.
Do I need to make some crappity fucking lemonade and say that hooray, now I get to spend time with cool frondz that I pick myself? I guess. I like friends. I hate the product of Lesson Lemons. But no one else knows my really old stories, because they weren’t there with me, and I can’t argue with anyone about who broke the plate and who did the thing with with pincushion.
I’ve got 2 dead parents, all-dead grandparents, no siblings and have managed to alienate every extended relative I’ve ever known.. My husband has a sister in Texas (a few days’ drive from us) and has had no contact with his parents in about a decade because they “don’t approve” of his choices..
Whadda’ ya’ do? You feel shitty for a while – for exactly the reasons you noted above – and then you decide that, fuckitall, you’ll stick with your friends. They love you for reasons that have nothing to do with genetics or family history or obligations and for reasons that have everything to do with YOU.
I’ve got a sister who has hated me ever since I was born 6 years into her reign as the Baby of the Family. We haven’t spoken in 16 years. With family like that … I’ll take friends, even Lesson Lemon-scented ones.
Did something happen?
so sorry. that sucks.
Something always happen. Dot life.
Man oh man, sounds ominous. I hope the bitter taste fades soon.
Wow, sister, too? That’s hard to fathom. I’m really sorry, SJ.
ohhhh shit… i’m sorry SJ…
My mother sucks, in a crazy way, so I sympathise. I go through agonies sometimes trying to figure out whether or not to respond to her requests for contact, because every time I do, it is hellish.
Tell you what. I have an awesome collection of siblings, only some of whom are actually related to me by blood. You can join their happy throng. Contact me for details.
Ah, don’t worry yallz. Stuff has been going on for months and years…I don’t blog stuff til I’ve let it go.
Sharing DNA is generally not a good indicator of being someone worth spending lots of quality time. There’s a reason I live 2400 miles away from my relations.
If you have friends, if people choose to be your pal, your chum, or boon companion, who cares about relations not feeling obligated to spend time with you. You’re trading obligatory relationships for relations of choice. A trade up IMHO.
Man, sorry, SJ. Bummage.
Sorry to hear that. Perhaps y’all just need some space, maybe? Or are you better off without their presence?
When my sister and I weren’t getting along, I just said exactly that.
I have family that I haven’t spoken to in years, either through hostility, lack of common ground or lack of interest in one another. I have others who are just too much drama trauma to deal with.
In all, I’d say I speak to .1 percent of my relatives, and my family is actually quite large. At this moment, I’m on the outs with half of that .1 percent because I am a bigmouthed idiot and said what I actually thought about a lame thing one of them did (gasp!).
In any case, I’m kind of a hermit anyway, so that doesn’t bother me. Maybe having a surfeit (bonus word! 50 pts!) of relations has made me cold toward the whole family thing in general, I don’t know, but I do know that your kids aren’t going to run off on you. You’re the mama. You love your girls and I am certain they love you back. No sense in borrowing trouble; the interest is too high.
My family is all really far away and most every relationship is strained. Cancer is good that way, though, because everyone calls now. Anyway, friends rock. I would so argue with you over the broken plate because you know it was totally your fault.
As I always say: You choose yr friends, your family you’re just born into. It’s awesomely lucky if they are nice people, but you are not obligated to like them just because you share DNA or whatever. Fuck lemonade, let’s go get beerz!
You can pick your friends.
You can pick your nose.
But you can’t pick your friend’s nose.
They don’t talk about family in that one. I just talk to family that isn’t annoying and fucked up. If they try to contact us we make endless amounts of fun of them. (Thank the GODS for caller ID.)
And why may I ask are you making lemonade when you have that TASTY lemoncello recipe?
And don’t worry about your girls. You are the same kind of mom that my mom is and we talk 5 times a day (I am 31 she is 50) about anything and everything. I know that they will be the same with you.
I have no living relatives with the exception of a distant cousin who is 85 years old. I was unable to have children. Being an adult orphan is something unique — and being also alone in the world in addition to that compounds the issue. I love my friends — and they love me…but there is no one who has that family bond anymore. Sure, I deal with it, and sure I adore my friends and all that. But the world does feel like a very different place now.
I live near family and get together with family all the time. It’s very restrictive. I think I would be able to be more myself if I lived far away from them. Instead of real friends and people who really care about me, I just pass the time with family members.
Grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
so, I’ve got no place to offer advice here, but it seems that people either lose people they wish they kept, or people they’re better off without. It’s taken me a long time to feel okay about approaching my family with antipathy; I had to see how some other families acted to realize mine wasn’t that great. Friends – real friends – are worth more than a resentful blood relation any day of the week. It’s about the choices we make about the realities that are foisted on us. It’s sad to be the only one, but it’s a crapload better than letting Thanksgiving be an annual reiteration of a sullen seethefest.
But anyway, sorry that you were forced to choose. FWIW I bet you’d be a great cousin.
That shit’s overrated.
Fuck ’em.