America! The time is now! (Well, next Monday.) The place is Fox Television!
We must unite in this critical time. Come on people, they fucked us on Joe Millionaire, now’s our chance!
What am I talking about? Married by America, of course. For those who haven’t heard, it seems that we are going to be allowed to dial up and vote for people to get married, “sight unseen”. Fuckity, man, I say it’s better than being Married by the Moonies.
I say we get together and pair up the most awful people they have, at which point my show idea will come into effect: Divorced by Fox.
I see three couples who hate each other, REALLY hate each other…they want to get a divorce so they go on this game show. They have to work together to beat other seperated couples at challenges, even though Bill slept with his admin. and Tammy hasn’t given Carl a hummer in, like, two years. You can see the hate on their faces. The couple who works together best gets a free divorce lawyer, provided by Fuks.
I just love that Fox announcer, don’t you? He never says “Fox,” he always says “tonight, on FUKS!” I love him.
I just hope America has a sense of humour when putting these married couples together. Let’s put the Palestinian and the Jew together in holy matrimony. The African-American woman and the Klansman. The East-Coast rapper and the West-Coast Rapper. The male stripper and the nun. The senator and the French maid. Let’s have wholly inappropriate marriages that can also serve as pitches for their own high-concept sit-coms:
“He’s a Palestinian suicide bomber. She’s a hard-line religious Jew. Together they’re married. AND they’re detectives! Tonight on FUKS!”
Fox became a soft-core porn channel so gradually that I didn’t even notice!
Of course, being a big fat geek, my first thought was to hook all the ugly people up with the pretty ones, a la Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts kind of thing. Philip Seymore Hoffman and Cameron Diaz. Heather Matarazzo and Tom Cruise. So on and so forth.
dd: where did I get the impression you’re married?
Sounds like the sort of thing that was predicted television would descend to by the early twenty-first century.
thans for the tip