At 55 WPM, Unbuckled Fingers Were More Likely To Die In A Crash

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My titles lately are like bad spam. I gotta work harder to incorporate the words “Peinors” or “ViONEgra.” Then, good spam ensues.

So, I am now upped with temp agency number two. I hate to go all Seinfeld on you, but what is the DEAL with the four thousand tests to make a certain rate at the temp agency, and then at the contract agency you can make twice that and you just hand over your resume? Yesterday I had a typing test (again), a grammar test, an error spotting test, and a spelling test, and a long wait in a lobby with a dog that was defying gravity like it was the spider from Centipede. I think if I worked there I would have to put out traps like buckets of water, just to see the dog go down sometimes.

After daily crying during comb time, and crusty food dreadlocks of doom, I chopped off Strudel’s hair and now she looks like Ramona Quimby, age three and a half.

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SNIP! As usual, the child can barely appear human for pictures. She has eyes, I swear. You tell her to smile, and it’s like she sucked a lemon.

It is also important for you to know that while I was in bed this morning, unable to sleep, convinced it was later than it is and still refusing to get up, I was feeling myself up. I haven’t been running for very long now, but I forgot that feeling of your body changing a little bit under the insulating layer of mocha lattes and phad thai. Not bad, self. I was getting pretty Gold Jumpsuit Elvis at the end of the summer there.

And I am having fun plodding along at my snail’s pace. I think it says something about how slow I go when What I’m listening to is either Marketplace or the first Belle and Sebastian album. I’ll let you know when I’m ready for DJ Assault like I was a couple of summers ago. That was a faster SJ.

There’s good news over here, too. An awesome internets acquaintance offered me a column on a relaunch of a sex blog. I decided to go pseudonymous there so I can be candid and talk about real life experience, so I won’t be linking it anywhere. But it’s more paid freelance work and gets me one step closer to feeling like I can claim I’m a writer.

Finally, I am a Heroes fan, or I was (not sure what happened with episode number one there. I feel a little betrayed by what they did with Mohinder, but maybe this is just another parallel reality or whatever?). Anyway, Jack Coleman is writing a funny fucking blog where he not once but twice talks about gunning down Hayden Pantymare or whatever her name is.

Also, does anyone know how to change the text in the title image thingie at the top of yon page up there? Much like the sexy, I need to bring rotating taglines back. Thanks.

14 thoughts on “At 55 WPM, Unbuckled Fingers Were More Likely To Die In A Crash”

  1. Thank you so much for posting the Couch-to-5k link the other day – I used it to get my very own bum off the couch. SO much better than my usual return to running, which generally involves a lot of wheezing and sweating and crying. After finishing day 1, I thought, no prob! Can do! Haven’t actually gone back and done day 2 of the program, of course, but I can see as how I WILL one of these days real soon.

  2. I temped with the same place for five years. I didn’t have to do a spelling test, I don’t think, just a typing test for speed and accuracy and one to see how well you know Word and Excel. I also did an accounting test and totally guessed on all the answers and scored like 65% correct. I also kept an up to date resume on file with them just in case anyone wanted a temp-to-perm thing. Nobody did, at least not with regards to me. :(

  6. thank you…thank you very much ( i just re-girlcrushed on you mostly cuz of the feeling yourself up part mostly cuz i do that too).

    you are Lovely and so is your lemony kid you got there….

    oh yeah and give ’em hell at them temp agencies – don’t let those buttlickers get you down. Spelling tests are just kinda insulting.

  10. I need to read a sex blog. Maybe it would give me ideas.

    In other news, I re-started my blog and shoved in a bunch of posts and plan on updating A LOT. No basic focus on this one, but it took me an entire day to tag all the old posts. It was weird and creepy reading a lot of my old posts again.

  11. My experience with HEROES most closely corresponds with a relationship with a slightly abusive boyfriend. Maybe he(roes) will be better to you but I gotta tell you, for me it’s worse than just the wasted time.

  12. My three kids and I bounced back and forth with this shit for a week and I am totally sympathetic for you. On the plus side, though, I lost 10 pounds.

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