Tooodally at the Mall

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What is working at the mall like? I hear you wondering, you blessed three people who escaped this fate. It seems like young people who are not doing manual labor go one of two ways: restaurant or retail. I went retail, because although the work is dirty (in the sense of actual dirt) and the people are often jackasses, you don’t get food all over yourself. I did have a dalliance with coffee for a while, but it broked my carpals and made me smell like dairy barf. DAINTY.

1. My coworkers’ average age is 20. There are a couple of people who are near my age, but when I say things like NOOOO THEY TOOK MY BUCKET they just cock their heads and look at me funny. Don’t panic, I’m from the internet.

2. I am captive to whomever comes on off the street. I was alarmed the other night because someone came into the mall entrance and yelled, “LISTEN UP!” I was ready to hit the floor and crawl out the back, but then one of my coworkers said, “Oh, don’t worry, it’s a fraternity ritual.” He yelled his name or something and then walked out. We also had the meth heads who somehow got their mitts on a generic mall card that could be spent in any store. I guess nothing in our store looked resellable, because they left pretty quickly. This was a relief because though the girl was tiny (90 pounds, seriously) she smelled like she had shit her pants with a massive shit that you would imagine being produced by, say, John Goodman. Then there was the old letch who immediately upon coming in swooped up and put his arm around me. I backed away, but he kept touching me, until I almost bolted. I may look like a retail bimbo with my eyeliner and giant earrings, but don’t touch my bikini, doods.

3. There is a guy who works at the mall with a cool shiner. I am going to ask him if he will be my friend. I love shiners.

34 thoughts on “Tooodally at the Mall”

  2. When I worked at the pharm, we’d get the poopy-pantsed, the crackheads, the leches, and the criminally violent. Retail is a creepy thing, especially when you know what meds the perps are on. Picking up scabies meds? Well, you can keep the pen you used to sign your insurance form. Old dude with the Viagra? Sorry, I’m not interested in dating you.

    I apologize for my digression. Carry on telling us about the mall. p.s. Your mall has the best food court of any. The thai place is good and you can get a Thai iced coffee as big as your head!

  3. I KNOW, RITE. I had spicy tuna sushi today for four bone. Granted, it was mall sushi, but still.

  5. I had a friend who worked at the Sephora downtown and she bitched constantly about transients coming in to steal perfume samples. They are samples!

    I was thinking for like five seconds about getting a retail job. I just cannot handle the poopy pants! Ack.

    I lurve that mall tho, all the yummy food, the pretty bath noms, the Daiso store… le sigh. Being broke sux.

  6. Gaaah. What is WITH dudes who think that just because you work someplace they can put their hands on you? I’ve had strangers hug me, grope me, pull my hair “teasingly”, “chin chuck” me (dude, I am not a baby and I, uh, I have chin stubble. fuck off.), and more. NOT ACCEPTABLE.

    I also had a regular who liked to give out hugs every time he saw me, but dude smelled of urine and mildew and general single dude funk. I tried to always be super busy restocking when he came in. Behind the counter! sorry! No touching!

  7. i worked at the mall 2x. once at a department store during xmas. i just walked around & looked at stuff while pretending to fold shit. then i met a 40yearold alcoholic man that became my “bf” and drove me crazy for 10 months of my life before i knew it was ridiculous/questionable for a 19 year old to date a 40 year old. bad experience over all. (oh and the “bf” gave me weed for valentines day)

    experience #2 – worked at coffee shop kiosk for about 7-8 months. those were the angriest months i have ever felt in my life. our kiosk was in front of santas area and santa was a greedy bastard always saying “ho ho ho how about a cookie for santa?” bah. i really could go on and on but i know ive already said too much

    do your co-workers know you are a top-notch internet superstar blogger?

  9. Ah, I knew I could talk about this stuff and yallz would get it. Wish me luck, tomorrow I am going to interview for the night stocking position.

    RatsRgods: In a word, no. In more words: nor would they care. I am trying to weasel myself into an editing position with the company, though, as the catalog is a un-proofed trainwreck to the point where it’s unprofessional. But I had this woman in today talking about her LJ and it was pretty hilarz. LJers are like a different species. I DUN NEED AN ICON FOR MAH MOOD, I JUST TELL YIS.

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